← The Knowledge Project

Dr. Gio Valiante (Part 2): Failure and Success

Nov 14, 2023 54m 24s 33 insights
In the second of a special two-part episode, performance psychologist Dr. Gio Valiante calls on his vast experience working with some of the world’s top athletes and entrepreneurs. Shane and Dr. Valiante discuss thoughts on failure and the fear that holds you back from making the most of your talent, shifting from an ego orientation to a mastery orientation, common misperceptions about success and failure, and how we learn when it’s time to cut our losses and move on to a different challenge.   Valiante is regarded as one of the most successful performance coaches in the world. He’s worked extensively with golfers on the PGA and LPGA Tours, Olympic athletes, and leading figures in NCAA football and the NFL, where he served as the Head Performance Coach of the Buffalo Bills. He has also logged over 5,000 hours coaching some of the most sophisticated investors in the world, including hedge fund manager Steve Cohen.   Listen to the first part of this special episode on the Farnam Street blog or wherever you listen to The Knowledge Project. -- Want even more? Members get early access, hand-edited transcripts, member-only episodes, and so much more. Learn more here: https://fs.blog/membership/ Every Sunday our Brain Food newsletter shares timeless insights and ideas that you can use at work and home. Add it to your inbox: https://fs.blog/newsletter/ Follow Shane on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/ShaneAParrish Our
Actionable Insights

1. Love Craft Over Reward

Prioritize the love of what you do over external praise or recognition, as flipping this order invariably leads to problems. Enjoy external rewards only after loving the craft itself.

2. Remove Failure Embarrassment

Promise to take embarrassment out of the equation when you fail, because reacting with embarrassment restricts creative problem-solving and deep cognitive processing, leading to underperformance.

3. Clarify Your “Why”

Shift from an ego orientation to a mastery orientation by deeply understanding and clarifying your fundamental reasons for doing what you do. This ‘why’ determines how you practice and react to setbacks.

4. React to Failure with Curiosity

When you fail, react with curiosity, viewing it as a step in a process rather than a setback. This mindset, exemplified by Thomas Edison, fosters skill development and long-term success.

5. Stare Fear in Eye

When afraid, confront your fear directly (’eyeball to eyeball’) instead of running away. Allowing life to bully you by avoiding fear prevents you from being present in the moment.

6. Pre-React to Failure

Pre-determine how you will react to failure, choosing acceptance, humor, or curiosity over toxic emotions like embarrassment or anger. This intentional reaction prevents underperformance and promotes psychological freedom.

7. Choose Trusted Feedback Circle

Intentionally select a small circle of 3-4 people who love you, care about you, are accurate observers, and will tell you the truth. Use these individuals as your mirrors for honest feedback.

8. Channel Desire for Evolution

Sublimate and channel your desire into innovation and evolution, as this productive channeling creates great works of art, architecture, and elevates the human condition.

9. Pursue Flow State Activities

Identify activities where you lose track of time, feel effortless, and experience elation (flow states), and then actively do more of them. These states are hallmarks of people great at what they do.

10. Audit Life for Headwinds

Periodically audit your life and relationships from a 30,000-foot view to identify any ‘headwinds’ or biases against your success. Ask trusted people to audit you for blind spots.

11. Know When to Quit

Recognize that a lot of winning involves knowing when to quit, get out of a bad bet, or stop beating your head against a wall. This judgment is crucial for sustainable success.

12. Prioritize Rest and Breaks

Understand that a key advantage in sustained performance is knowing how to take breaks and rest effectively.

13. Embrace Humility, Acknowledge Ignorance

Cultivate humility by readily acknowledging what you don’t know, as this is a characteristic of the best performers in the world.

14. Continuous Problem Solving, Risk

Engage in a never-ending series of problem-solving, testing, and risk-taking, being willing to try many different things until you get it right.

15. Trust Your Unique Vision

Develop the ability to trust your own vision and eye, and then act on it. This means playing the shot you see and building what you envision.

16. Control Focus, Feedback Environment

Be intentional about what you look at and who you put in your world, controlling your focus so that the mirrors and feedback you receive are accountable.

17. Maintain Urgent Work Ethic

Cultivate an unequivocal work ethic and maintain a feverish cadence, always feeling a rush as if you’re playing catch up.

18. Avoid Suppressive Relationships

Avoid populating your life with people who judge, criticize, or suppress your psychological freedom. Such individuals can prevent the fertilization of success-driving qualities.

19. Deeply Immerse in Loved Work

Throw yourself into deep immersion in the things you love to do, losing track of time and actively seeking to solve the hardest problems.

20. Question Desire to Press

When deciding whether to press an advantage, question what underlying desire is driving that impulse. Incorrect pressing often stems from impatience or frustration.

21. Benchmark Against History

Even when leading, benchmark yourself against a higher historical standard (like Tiger Woods chasing Jack Nicklaus’s record) to maintain a ‘chasing’ mindset and continuously extend your advantage.

22. Map Advantages, Assess Risk

Map your advantages, know in the moment if you have one, and determine how much risk you’re willing to take and what losses you can tolerate before acting.

23. Understand Loss Tolerance

Honestly assess your capacity to handle losses; if a potential loss would meaningfully affect your future actions, it’s a critical ’tell’ to reconsider.

24. Refine Emotional Reactions

Refine your emotional reactions to elevate your senses and enhance decision-making, rather than attempting to suppress emotions entirely.

25. Know Self, Think Complexly

Cultivate self-knowledge and complex thinking, as complicated situations and games at the tail end of the curve require this depth of thought.

26. Be Decisive, Simplify

Be decisive in your actions and avoid overcomplicating situations, sometimes adopting a ‘see ball, hit ball’ approach.

27. Embrace Middle Class Values

Adopt middle-class values, regardless of your wealth, as they tend to work in life by keeping you humble and happy.

28. Know Your True Values

Understand what truly matters to you beyond material possessions or building a ‘big life,’ recognizing that more things do not necessarily equate to happiness for everyone.

29. Prioritize “No Money Fun”

Engage in ’no money fun’ activities that bring you joy, active engagement, and don’t cost a lot of money, like Mike Myers’s childhood experiences.

30. Realistic Optimism, Kindness

Maintain a realistic yet directionally positive outlook, celebrating the good, being optimistic, and consistently practicing kindness towards yourself and others.

31. Practice Gratitude, Help Others

Practice gratitude and help other people, especially in times when you have no apparent reason to be grateful or have limited resources.

32. Monitor Life’s Qualia

Keep your hand on the pulse of the ‘qualia’ of your experience, regularly assessing how your life feels qualitatively rather than just quantitatively.

33. Seek Remarkable Teachers

Intentionally spend time with remarkable human beings who can teach you at every turn, regardless of their conventional success.