To improve close relationships and resolve conflicts, each partner should independently reflect on a conflict by considering how a neutral third party (who wants the best for all) would view it, identify barriers to taking that perspective, and strategize how to overcome those barriers. This helps stabilize marital quality by providing a new representation for handling future conflicts.
When a child makes a mistake, respond with empathy and offer to collaboratively learn from it (e.g., ’let’s sit down and see what you got wrong’), rather than implying the mistake is bad or reflects fixed ability. This approach helps children interpret mistakes as opportunities for learning and development.
When someone is self-blaming or blaming others for a problem, gently prompt them to consider alternative, non-pejorative explanations by repeatedly asking ‘could it be something else?’ until they arrive at a pragmatic, actionable understanding. This helps reduce negative self-blaming and improves problem-solving.
When facing a problem, focus on identifying and removing psychological barriers that get in the way of better outcomes, rather than solely adding new tools or information. This ‘barrier analysis’ often leads to more effective and impactful solutions.
To encourage an empathic approach in discipline (e.g., with students or children), have experienced individuals reflect on and articulate how they apply this approach for the benefit of others. This process reinforces their own commitment to the empathic mindset, leading to better outcomes like reduced suspension rates.
To help someone (or yourself) with low self-esteem internalize a compliment, prompt reflection on why the compliment has a global and enduring meaning and truly reflects the giver’s regard. This helps individuals feel more secure in relationships and behave more positively.
Reframe physical or mental difficulty (e.g., tiredness during exercise) for children as a sign that their muscles are getting stronger or that they are learning, not a reason to stop. This helps them view challenges as opportunities for growth and development.
Process difficult or traumatic experiences by engaging in open-ended writing about them, aiming to create a narrative with a beginning, middle, and end. This helps create a sense of closure, improving functioning and health.
Improve well-being and happiness by regularly writing gratitude notes, even unsent ones, to articulate thanks to people who have made a difference in your life. This practice is a reliable way to increase positive feelings.
Actively challenge self-fulfilling prophecies and stereotypes by consciously seeking out and acknowledging disconfirming evidence, rather than dismissing it. This helps to break negative cycles and foster more accurate perceptions in relationships.
To shift a group norm or individual perception of a norm, facilitate public commitment within a peer group (e.g., raising hands) to demonstrate that ‘people like me’ do engage in the desired behavior. This directly challenges existing perceptions of group norms.
Practice self-empathy as a parent, acknowledging that perfection is not the standard, and model apologizing for your own mistakes to your children. This teaches children that everyone makes mistakes and fosters a process of growth and learning.
To help a child internalize a growth mindset, ask them to explain the concept to a younger sibling or peer. This ‘same as believing’ procedure increases their commitment to the idea.
For young children or ’newbies,’ use direct positive labeling (e.g., ‘you are the clean class’ or ‘our family is kind’) to shape their identity and encourage desired behaviors. This technique works by aligning behavior with a given group identity.
To reduce stereotype threat and improve performance on evaluative tasks, reframe them as non-evaluative puzzles or learning opportunities. This removes the pressure of negative stereotypes, allowing individuals to devote more cognitive resources to the task.
View interventions as opportunities to test new hypotheses about yourself or the world; successful tests reinforce the new perspective and lead to sustained change. This approach helps to solidify new adaptive beliefs.
If you question whether you belong in an environment, actively engage with that environment (e.g., go to office hours, re-engage with peers) to test out the hypothesis that you do belong. This helps to counter negative self-interpretations and support belonging.
If you have low self-esteem, consciously work to accept and internalize compliments from romantic partners as genuine reflections of their love and regard, rather than dismissing them. Dismissing compliments can undermine relationship security.
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