Shift your listening focus from formulating a reply to genuinely understanding the other person’s message, as this is crucial for effective communication.
Actively listen to the very end of what someone is saying, resisting the urge to formulate your next response, as planning your reply prevents you from truly hearing them.
Practice listening to deeply consider what the other person is saying, rather than immediately evaluating it for agreement or correctness, as evaluative listening is not genuine listening.
Strive for transformative listening, which involves a willingness to change your mind and consider other points of view as valid, moving beyond mere evaluation or interpretation.
Approach conversations like a friendly game of catch, aiming for an even balance between talking and listening to ensure mutual engagement and exchange.
Be aware of and avoid ‘conversational narcissism,’ which is the tendency to shift the conversation back to yourself by sharing similar experiences rather than focusing on the other person.
Practice ‘support responses’ by asking questions about what the other person has said, rather than shifting the topic to your own experiences, to show engagement and support.
When someone shares a struggle or pain, avoid equating their experience with your own or saying ‘I know just how you feel,’ as you cannot truly know their feelings and it shifts focus away from them.
When someone shares their pain, resist the urge to default to talking about your own experiences out of discomfort, as this shifts the focus away from their needs.
Be aware that talking about yourself is highly pleasurable for you (dopamine shot) but not for the listener, so consciously balance the conversation to avoid monopolizing it.
In conversations, focus on setting the other person up for success by asking engaging questions and ensuring interactivity, rather than just focusing on what you want to say.
Keep conversations interactive for all participants, as this is how humans learn and remain engaged, preventing others from tuning out.
Strive for a mutual exchange of information in conversations, considering it unsuccessful if both parties haven’t learned something new from each other.
Approach conversations without a rigid agenda or talking points, as having a predetermined script makes you predictable and disengaging, like a pundit.
Encourage others to speak by asking simple, clear, direct, and unopinionated questions, without expressing agreement or disagreement, to facilitate open communication.
Recognize that you cannot truly see the world through another’s eyes; instead, ask them to explain their own experiences and perspectives to foster empathy and avoid making assumptions.
Prioritize hearing someone’s voice over text or email, as the sound of a voice transmits crucial information that humanizes the other person and fosters understanding and empathic bonds.
Use the ‘Yes, And’ technique from improv by accepting what the other person has said without argument or contradiction, and then building upon it, to foster collaborative conversation.
If you or the other person starts to feel defensive, recognize that the conversation has turned into an argument and disengage, walking away to return later.
Do not offer unsolicited advice, as it often has a negative emotional impact on the recipient, even if the advice is valuable.
When encountering difficult or disagreeable viewpoints, ask the person to explain their perspective and reasoning, as this can lead to transformative understanding.
For productive and focused conversations, aim to keep them intimate, ideally one-on-one or with a maximum of three to four people, as it’s difficult to sustain attention with more participants.
For innovation and problem-solving, accept that not everyone will agree and aim to find the best ideas among differing viewpoints, rather than striving for uncomfortable consensus.
Cultivate careful listening skills, similar to how musicians are trained, because success in many professions and understanding complex information depends on it.
When engaging with complex information or conversations, practice ‘vertical listening’ by paying attention to multiple layers and nuances simultaneously, similar to how an orchestra musician listens to all parts.
When encountering complex information, practice ‘vertical listening’ by simultaneously perceiving multiple layers and voices, rather than just following a single narrative, to grasp the full picture.
Be extremely clear, simple, and precise in your language when speaking, as any moment of confusion will cause listeners to miss subsequent information while they process what they didn’t understand.
Limit each sentence or phrase to a single thought, especially when communicating verbally, to ensure clarity and prevent listener confusion or loss of information.
Use vivid, descriptive language and ‘show, don’t tell’ by explaining observations (e.g., ‘phone ringing constantly,’ ‘desk piled high’) rather than stating conclusions (e.g., ‘he was busy’) to allow listeners to form their own judgments.
Remember that effective communication, regardless of the topic, is fundamentally about ‘people talking to people about people,’ emphasizing the human element in your storytelling.
Structure your communication, even complex topics, using a simple ‘fairy tale framework’ (beginning, middle, end) to provide context and ensure easy understanding for the audience.
Ensure your story or explanation constantly moves forward, like a shark, providing the next logical ‘rung’ for the listener without any gaps, to maintain engagement and understanding.
Remove subjective or opinionated words (e.g., ‘finally’) from your communication to maintain objectivity and prevent unintended bias in your narrative.
Assess the success of your communication by whether the listener can explain the topic to someone else, as this indicates true understanding rather than just passive reception.
When communicating verbally or writing for an audience that will listen, use clean, crisp language with one thought per sentence and avoid complicated structures to ensure easy understanding and absorption.
Actively seek out and accept every possible training opportunity, fellowship, or workshop to address perceived deficiencies and improve skills, as this leads to professional growth.
Always read the relevant material (e.g., books, background info) before engaging in important conversations or interviews, as thorough preparation allows for sincere and deeper questioning.
Begin conversations or interviews with a direct, impactful question that immediately gets to the core of the topic, avoiding lengthy wind-ups and demonstrating your knowledge.
As an interviewer, frame questions to allow your guest to shine and share their expertise, understanding that the goal is to extract their knowledge for the audience, not to showcase your own.
As an interviewer, maintain control of the conversation’s direction and flow, as this structured approach allows the interviewer to guide the discussion effectively.