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#29 Dacher Keltner: Survival of the Kindest

Feb 21, 2018 1h 20m 24 insights
When Pixar was dreaming up the idea for Inside Out, a film that would explore the roiling emotions inside the head of a young girl, they needed guidance from an expert. So they called Dacher Keltner. Dacher is a psychologist at UC Berkeley who has dedicated his career to understanding how human emotion shapes the way we interact with the world, how we properly manage difficult or stressful situations, and ultimately, how we treat one another. In fact, he refers to emotions as the “language of social living.” The more fluent we are in this language, the happier and more meaningful our lives can be. We tackle a wide variety of topics in this conversation that I think you’ll really enjoy. You’ll learn: The three main drivers that determine your personal happiness and life satisfaction Simple things you can do everyday to jumpstart the “feel good” reward center of your brain The principle of “jen” and how we can use “high-jen behaviors” to bootstrap our own happiness How to have more positive influence in our homes, at work and in our communities. How to teach your kids to be more kind and empathetic in an increasingly self-centered world What you can do to stay grounded and humble if you are in a position of power or authority How to catch our own biases when we’re overly critical of another’s ideas (or overconfident in our own) And much more. We could have spent an hour discussing any one of these points alone, but there was so much I wanted to cover. I’m certain you’ll find this episode well worth your time. *** Go Premium: Members get early access, ad-free episodes, hand-edited transcripts, searchable transcripts, member-only episodes, and more. Sign up at: https://fs.blog/membership/   Every Sunday our newsletter shares timeless insights and ideas that you can use at work and home. Add it to your inbox: https://fs.blog/newsletter/   Follow Shane on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/ShaneAParrish
Actionable Insights

1. Practice Compassion for Impact

Practice the extensions of compassion, as this not only aligns with the mind’s inherent nature but also contributes to rising in social hierarchies and making a lasting, positive contribution.

2. Prioritize “Jen” Actions Daily

Define your day by “jen” actions, which involve bringing out the good in others through sharing laughter, giving resources, and empowering people, as a path to a good life.

3. Cultivate Happiness Pillars

To increase happiness, focus on positive emotions (mirth, laughter, love, sympathy), effectively handle stress and negative emotions, and prioritize social connection.

4. Build Power with Social Skills

Build power by being bold, empathetic, understanding others’ desires, inspiring them, listening carefully, and building strong social ties through kindness and genuine interest.

5. Animate Your Social Network

Gain power and influence by effectively animating your social network, stirring the actions of people around you in an effective way, whether at work, in a team, or in the community.

6. Foster Group Accountability

For group health and to prevent abuses of power, ensure there are mechanisms for open critique, voice for subordinates to offer alternative ideas, and forms of accountability and transparency for power holders.

7. Appoint Devil’s Advocates

As a leader, appoint “devil’s advocates” to critically challenge proposals and decisions, ensuring diverse perspectives and preventing unchecked power.

8. Leaders Must Listen Broadly

Great leaders actively listen to everyone, including those of lower status, by creating contexts that allow them to hear diverse perspectives and avoid being sheltered from reality.

9. Build Transparent Contexts

Create contexts where processes and decisions are transparent, as this is essential for effective and ethical power, preventing abuses and fostering trust.

10. Separate Person from Idea

Strive to separate the person from their ideas or the context in which they write, to avoid moral selection bias and missing out on valuable knowledge due to personal biases or historical context.

11. Engage Diverse Ideologies

Actively seek out and talk to people with different ideological views to find common ground, appreciate their perspectives, and foster mutual understanding, rather than assuming extreme differences.

12. Read Diverse Opinions

Break out of your “thought bubble” by reading and engaging with opinions and philosophies different from your own to broaden understanding and recognize shared human tendencies.

13. Actively Define “Good”

Actively contest and converse about what is defined as “good” in society, as this shapes values and behaviors, ideally for the benefit and sustainability of the species.

14. Expand Your Circle of Care

Strive to expand your “circle of care” beyond immediate family and social groups to include people in other communities, other species, and all sentient beings, as this is a sign of human growth.

15. Practice Emotional Moderation

Apply Aristotle’s principle of moderation to emotions, ensuring all passions are expressed in the right place, to the right degree, and in the right context to avoid negative consequences.

16. Embrace “Pain” for Learning

Recognize that learning often requires a feedback mechanism, sometimes referred to as “pain” (not necessarily physical), which can be the turmoil of developmental changes or challenging experiences that produce insight.

17. Foster Empathy by Asking Questions

To teach empathy to children, ask questions during conflicts or emotional situations and allow them to reason through the feelings and perspectives of others, rather than dictating.

18. Use Emotion Words with Children

Incorporate a rich vocabulary of emotion words into family language to help children understand and express a wider range of feelings, fostering their emotional intelligence and empathy.

19. Allow Kids to Witness Suffering

Allow children to experience and witness suffering, making it part of family conversations, as recognizing pain and the human condition activates pro-social behaviors and empathy.

20. Share Resources for Happiness

Sharing money or resources with others can make you happier than spending it on yourself, as it activates reward circuits in the brain.

21. Give to Charity

Giving money to charity activates the brain’s reward circuits, similar to receiving a gift, contributing to feelings of happiness.

22. Volunteer for Well-being

Volunteering can lead to a longer and happier life, as it activates the vagus nerve and oxytocin, associated with connection and well-being.

23. Support Checks on Power

Recognize that undermining reliable news sources or disregarding ethical violations weakens checks on power, leading to greater abuses, so support mechanisms that hold power accountable.

24. Understand Context for Behavior

Recognize that humans have both kind and harsh tendencies, and strive to understand the contextual factors that promote the expression of good behaviors over bad ones.