Allow the other party to speak first in a negotiation to gain valuable information and save time, as it prevents wasted effort on arguments and counterpoints. This approach is a mercenary’s tool to reach your outcome faster by understanding their perspective.
Employ labels (e.g., ‘It seems like…’) to gather information and perform an ‘accusation audit’ by articulating the other side’s potential negative perceptions or fears. This disarms them, clears their mind of distractions, and unlocks a floodgate of truth-telling, making them more receptive.
Rephrase ‘yes-oriented’ questions into ’no-oriented’ ones (e.g., ‘Are you against this option?’ instead of ‘Would you like this option?’). People feel safer saying no, which can lead to more open dialogue and an ‘insane success rate’ in reaching agreements.
Understand that ‘yes is nothing without how,’ meaning a signed agreement is worthless without effective implementation. Strive for the other side to feel the solution is their idea, as this significantly increases their commitment and follow-through.
Shift your mindset from fearing failure to embracing every situation as a learning opportunity to improve your success rate. This approach builds tremendous confidence in your process, even when outcomes are beyond your control.
Use deference as a powerful 360-degree influence tool, regardless of your perceived status relative to the other person. People appreciate deference, especially when you don’t have to give it, fostering tremendous respect and appreciation.
Before pitching positives, identify and articulate the other side’s ‘paranoid reasons’ or ‘deal breakers’ for not doing business with you. Eliminating these negatives first is crucial because fear of loss drives human behavior more than the desire for gain.
Actively seek to understand the other party’s fear of loss, as it is the single biggest driver of human behavior, stinging twice as much as an equivalent gain. Factoring this into your thinking is a shortcut to diffusing negativity and finding solutions faster.
Approach interactions with genuine curiosity about the other person’s emotions and drivers. This serves as an instant hack for emotional control, compartmentalizing your own negativity and allowing you to focus on understanding them.
Instead of asking if you can ’trust’ someone, reframe it to ‘What can I predict these people are going to do?’ This puts you in a more rational frame of mind, allowing for better decisions based on past behavior and realistic expectations.
Do not compromise, as it often leads to ‘one black shoe, one brown shoe’ outcomes that destroy everyone’s original idea and result in half-measures. Instead, focus on finding the best course of action that truly satisfies underlying needs.
Consciously control your tone of voice to influence interactions; a soothing, calming tone can calm the other side and even yourself by affecting mirror neurons. Smiling while speaking can also be felt in your voice, breaking down barriers.
When you need to reject a proposal, use phrases like ‘How am I supposed to do that?’ This makes the other side feel collaborative and powerful, encouraging them to offer more options that might better suit both parties.
When the other side proposes an option that works for you, close the deal by saying, ‘That was brilliant! Let’s do that.’ This makes them feel valued and increases their ownership of the solution, leading to better implementation.
Use mirroring by repeating the last one to three words of what someone has just said. This simple technique encourages them to rearticulate their thoughts with slightly different words, increasing their own thinking and providing more information.
If you realize you’ve made a mistake or there’s a negative perception about you, proactively call it out before others do. This disarms potential criticism, clears the air, and gives you the best chance to eliminate it as an issue.
Seek out and work on your company’s biggest problems, as this is a ‘fail-safe’ area where you can’t make things worse. Success in these high-impact areas makes you a valuable troubleshooter, leading to increased job satisfaction and career advancement.
Maintain your core principles and positions, but soften your delivery to be ’nicer’ in how you communicate. A gentler approach will help you get a lot farther without compromising who you are or what you stand for.
Utilize quick mental and physical resets to enter a ‘flow state’ for peak performance, mental endurance, and fearless decision-making. Examples include 10 minutes of meditation, standing up and moving around, or even forcing a laugh for an instant chemical change.
Instead of setting your goal as your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA), which can limit your ambition, set a high, lofty goal. Then, challenge yourself to beat it by discovering new information, as human beings are goal-oriented.
Understand that any time ‘yes’ is in the air or you have a ‘want,’ you are in a negotiation, even in seemingly simple interactions like placing an order. Never be mean to someone who can hurt you by doing nothing, as every interaction influences whether they help or hinder you.
Take a moment to allow the other side to articulate what is truly on their mind, as this is the ‘smallest habit that makes the biggest difference.’ People feel listened to, which is highly satisfying, saves time, and fosters better relationships.