Focus on building your own fulfilling life and becoming a better person first, then seek a partner who can fit into that life, rather than trying to construct your life around someone else. This creates a stronger foundation for a relationship.
Continuously put in effort and time to advance yourself, reflecting on your progress over significant periods to ensure you are actively working towards becoming ‘something more than we are.’ This proactive approach prevents stagnation and drives personal growth.
Understand that significant progress and improvement require dedicated time and consistent effort; the longer you delay putting in the work, the more challenging and extensive the effort will become.
Prioritize self-discipline over your feelings, as waiting for motivation or enjoyment will prevent you from doing the hard, often unpleasant, work required for anything worthwhile. Act despite your emotions to achieve your goals.
Cultivate emotional control to detach your feelings from necessary actions, understanding that if something is important for your success, it simply ’needs to be done,’ regardless of how you feel about it. This mindset enables consistent action.
Recognize that your feelings will always seek the path of least resistance, but achieving good things in life requires doing hard things you don’t want to do. Over time, this practice helps you stop overthinking and focus on what ‘must be done.’
Recognize that suffering is an inevitable part of life, whether from pushing towards a goal (‘good pain’) or avoiding challenges (‘bad pain’). Choose the suffering that leads to improvement and desired outcomes, making you better.
Understand that happiness is a ‘rate of change,’ not a static state; to maintain happiness, you must always be pushing towards a new challenge or goal, as stagnation leads to unhappiness.
Engage in challenging activities for the intrinsic satisfaction of mastery and personal improvement, rather than for external motivators like money, validation, or attention, which are fleeting and unsatisfying. The feeling of ‘I can do that now’ is a powerful, internal reward.
For complex tasks where self-correction is not immediate or obvious, seek a coach to provide constant feedback, counteract your natural tendency towards entropy, and correct small deviations before they become major problems.
Cultivate a small, dedicated circle of trusted individuals whose advice you listen to, especially if you tend to resist counsel, as this can prevent self-inflicted setbacks and provide valuable guidance.
Get comfortable acting and doing what you genuinely believe is best for yourself, understanding that this isn’t necessarily selfish but often leads to behaviors like kindness and likability that ultimately benefit everyone involved.
Instead of seeking forgiveness or permission to reconcile clashing feelings, focus on doing what works best for you; those who align with your path will gravitate towards you, leading to a happier life and better service to those who remain.
Overcome the fear of judgment by realizing that most people do not care about your individual actions or failures in the long run. This understanding provides freedom to act without inhibition and pursue your goals.
Practice detachment from potential negative outcomes and external judgment, realizing that even the ‘worst’ experiences are temporary and often go unnoticed by others in the long run. This mindset frees you from fear and provides the confidence to act.
Reframe potential setbacks by considering them in the grand scheme of your life, understanding that if the ‘worst’ outcome is relatively minor, your life is going well. This perspective reduces anxiety and encourages action.
Understand that pain is a temporary feeling, similar to pleasure, and that avoiding it will prevent you from experiencing the full benefits and enjoyment that life has to offer.
Strive for a balance where you care enough about achieving a good outcome to be invested, but your primary focus and attachment are to the process itself, rather than solely the final result.
After any performance, whether a win or a loss, meticulously analyze what went wrong and what could be better, using these insights to immediately start working on improvements. This fosters a mastery mindset and continuous growth.
Understand that perfection is an unattainable limit; instead, focus on continuously pushing hard work and improving, always striving to get closer to that ideal. Your goal should always be to get better.
Understand that motivation is a finite resource that will eventually exhaust itself; instead, build strong habits, systems, and a sense of necessity to sustain progress when motivation wanes.
Immediately complete small tasks, like washing dishes, when you are already up and moving, leveraging inertia to avoid the resistance of starting later. This prevents interruption of future focused work and reduces mental load.
To get up early, immediately start moving upon waking and avoid sitting down for at least 15 minutes. This physical activity helps you become fully awake and overcome grogginess, making it easier to start your day.
When dissatisfied with your life, perform an 80/20 analysis to identify common factors that exacerbate a significant percentage of your personal problems. Eliminate these factors if they offer no clear benefit to improve your life.
If you find yourself using substances to make boring social events exciting, consider reducing participation in such group activities. Instead, prioritize one-on-one interactions that you genuinely enjoy, which can lead to more fulfilling connections.
Actively maintain and nurture important relationships at home, as they are crucial for a balanced and fulfilling life.
In relationships, view disagreements as shared problems that you and your partner must solve together, rather than as personal attacks or opportunities to ‘win’ against the other person. This fosters a constructive approach to conflict.
Adopt a ’team’ mindset in relationships, viewing your partner as a teammate rather than an adversary. Work together to solve problems and support each other, fostering a strong and unified bond.
In relationships, compromise on specific behaviors and learn to adapt where there’s incompatibility, but avoid compromising on the fundamental structure of the life you are actively building for yourself.
Do not sacrifice your personal advancement, such as in academics or career, to accommodate a relationship, as this can lead to stagnation and a lack of personal growth over time.
Pay attention to behavioral changes, such as snapping at loved ones or withdrawing from cordial interactions, as these can indicate you are taking on too much and risking burnout. This awareness helps prevent negative impacts on relationships and well-being.
As you increase your personal value and radiate positive energy, be prepared for more people to seek your time and energy, and understand that you will naturally become more selective about who you engage with.
Actively seek and maintain friendships with individuals who exert positive peer pressure, inspiring you to grow and improve, rather than pulling you down. This environment fosters personal development.
Cultivate likability, as there is no disadvantage to it; being likable naturally leads to having more influence and attracting more positive connections in your life.
Refrain from publicly announcing your goals before achieving them, as receiving early validation can trick your brain into feeling like the work is already done, reducing your motivation to follow through.
Be aware that quitting substances like alcohol can lead to unmuted emotions, making you feel both the joys and regrets of life more intensely. This heightened awareness is part of experiencing life ’the right way.’
When raising children, immediately begin praising their effort and struggle, rather than innate ability, to teach them the value of hard work and delay gratification. This helps them understand that effort leads to achievement.
Instill in children the understanding that nothing in the world is free and that effort is required for desired outcomes. They must learn that ‘I got to do a thing for a thing to happen,’ and inaction can lead to negative consequences.
Engage children in activities that require skill and effort, such as music or running, to help them understand the value of practice and work. This also teaches them that life isn’t always enjoyable or relaxing, fostering resilience.
Understand that life involves both good and bad periods; challenges are necessary to appreciate positive experiences. Learn to ‘dance during a storm’ rather than waiting for it to pass, embracing the full spectrum of life.
During periods of intense workload, manage sleep strategically by reducing it on busy weekdays and compensating with longer sleep on less demanding days, aiming for an average of eight hours. While not recommended long-term, this can be a survival tactic for extreme demands.
Consider participating in challenging physical activities like amateur boxing, as it is relatively easy to become an amateur and offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and overcoming fears.
Secure your name (e.g., as a website domain or social media handle) early on in the internet game to ensure people can easily find and identify you online.