Actively seek and accept children’s offers to help, even if they are young or make a mess. This fosters their innate desire to contribute and prevents them from learning that helping is not their role, which can lead to a lack of helpfulness later.
Shift from controlling children’s actions to encouraging them to figure out the ‘right thing’ themselves. This approach guides them to critical thinking and decision-making, reducing conflict that arises from constant parental commands.
Provide children with dedicated time for autonomy, even just an hour a week. This is crucial for their development, as a lack of autonomy is linked to increased anxiety and depression.
Resist the urge to constantly intervene in your child’s activities. Good parenting is not about maximal interference; children can often manage without constant direction, fostering independence and confidence.
Stop using over-the-top or constant praise, as it is not necessary and can even be demotivating or manipulative. Children are more motivated by genuinely contributing to your life and accomplishing tasks.
Delay giving children access to technology, especially phones, for as long as possible. Each year of delay makes a significant difference in their development, as their prefrontal cortex is still evolving.
Establish clear environments and times where technology is not allowed (e.g., no phones at the dinner table, no screens in bedrooms). This helps the brain relax and encourages engagement in other activities, preventing technology from narrowing desires.
Be mindful that children learn values through your actions and modeling, not just what you say. Prioritize face-to-face interactions over technology to transmit the importance of human connection.
Regularly observe how children behave during and after screen time. If technology consistently makes a child feel worse or behave negatively, re-evaluate its use, as it may not be beneficial regardless of their desire for it.
For younger children, use stories to convey rules, values, and consequences. Children learn effectively through narratives and can figure things out through stories, even when they don’t understand logic.
Set up your home environment to naturally guide children’s behavior and prevent trouble, rather than constantly giving verbal commands. This reduces the likelihood of problems and minimizes the need for direct intervention.
Experiment with giving no verbal commands for periods (e.g., 20 minutes) to reduce constant instruction. Use subtle physical cues or actions instead to guide children and foster their independence, improving the parent-child relationship.
For older children, teach time management and initiative by asking guiding questions like ‘What do you have on your plate tonight?’ or ‘What would you do next?’ This develops their skill in figuring out subsequent steps.
Parents are not obligated to constantly entertain their children. Allow them to be bored, use their imagination, or play with other children, as they have not needed constant entertainment for hundreds of thousands of years.
Implement a strict rule of no screen time for at least three hours before bedtime. This significantly improves sleep quality for both children and adults, as technology negatively impacts rest.
Discuss with teenagers how technology is designed to manipulate their brains and reward systems. Frame this conversation around their dislike of being manipulated to encourage self-regulation.
After educating teenagers about technology’s neurological effects, collaboratively set daily usage limits. This fosters cooperation and self-regulation, with the parent’s role being to enforce the agreed-upon limits.
If specific video games or apps consistently lead to negative behavior or interactions (e.g., meanness between siblings), remove them from access. This sets clear boundaries based on observed negative impacts.
Adopt a ‘seal hunting’ approach to technology, introducing it slowly and delaying full access until children demonstrate responsibility and genuine interest. This builds their capacity over time rather than setting them up for failure.
If schools heavily rely on technology, actively emphasize non-tech activities and skill-building at home. This helps children develop crucial skills like concentration and deep thinking that might be neglected otherwise.