Instead of relying solely on willpower, actively change your physical and social environment to make desired behaviors easier and undesired ones harder. This can involve putting your phone in another room to study or altering seating arrangements to avoid conflict.
Concentrate your efforts and attention on the aspects of your behavior and performance that you can directly control, rather than external outcomes. This agentic view is both productive and adaptive, empowering you to act within your sphere of influence.
Acknowledge that while you cannot control all external circumstances, you do have some control over your reaction to them. This perspective is accurate and adaptive, enabling you to respond constructively even when terrible things happen.
Actively seek out and engage in challenges that require struggle, and then work to overcome them. Successfully navigating and conquering difficulties (mastery experiences) is the primary way to develop confidence and a strong sense of agency.
After a setback, engage in self-talk that focuses on specific, changeable aspects of your behavior or strategy, rather than making global, unchangeable judgments about your character. This approach identifies actionable improvements for future performance, unlike toxic self-talk that paralyzes.
Be eager for, actively solicit, and genuinely listen to feedback, prioritizing learning and improvement over immediate comfort or ego protection. Feedback is a crucial tool for self-correction and growth, helping you continuously improve.
Engage in ‘deliberate practice’ by focusing with hyper-intentionality on a specific weakness or goal, practicing with complete concentration (e.g., alone, phone off), and seeking immediate feedback, then repeating the cycle. The quality of practice, not just the hours, is paramount for developing expertise.
Instead of waiting to ‘find’ or ‘follow’ a pre-existing passion, actively engage with various interests, ‘date’ them, and allow a relationship with a chosen field to deepen and evolve over time. Passion is often developed through sustained engagement and exploration, offering a more actionable path.
Identify activities or fields that feel effortless and enjoyable to you (‘play’) but are perceived as difficult or ‘drudgery’ by others. Pursuing these areas leverages your natural inclinations, making it easier to sustain effort and develop expertise.
Establish a small number of ‘always’ or ’never’ personal rules and habits for key behaviors, such as exercising at a set time or checking email only after dinner. These rules put you on autopilot, freeing up cognitive resources and serving as self-control devices.
When making choices, consider not just the costs and benefits, but also your identity and the appropriate behavior for someone in your role or who you aspire to be. This ’logic of appropriateness’ guides decisions towards a desired self-image.
Deliberately set challenges that are appropriately sized – not too big to be overwhelming, nor too small to be unengaging – for yourself or your children. This approach helps build confidence through ‘small wins’ and mastery experiences, fostering a sense of agency.
Instead of adopting rules given by others, thoughtfully create your own personal rules and habits that align with your goals and are likely to lead you to success. Self-created rules are more likely to be adaptive and effective for you.
Bring unconscious thoughts, emotions, and motivations to conscious awareness by having an internal conversation about what might be influencing your behavior. This process helps you understand underlying issues and proceed with greater insight.
When faced with seemingly opposing perspectives or forces (e.g., personality vs. situation, nature vs. nurture, structural problems vs. individual agency), consider that both elements are likely at play. This avoids oversimplification and leads to a more nuanced understanding of reality.
Continuously learn and avoid complacency, especially after achieving success, as success can lead to a decrease in effort. Perennial learners maintain their drive and learn equally from both good and bad experiences.
Cultivate and maintain an ‘underdog mindset’ by keeping a ‘chip on your shoulder,’ even after achieving significant success. This self-manipulation can improve performance and prevent complacency, driving you to continue striving for more.
As an adult, recognize and exercise your agency to actively choose and change your environment and influences, such as your friends or situations. This ‘chosen nurture’ allows you to take control and shape your life, rather than being passively influenced by circumstances.
Actively seek out mentors, coaches, or even peers who can help you identify and set appropriate next challenges for your growth. An external perspective from someone older and wiser provides psychological distance and a different view of your strengths, helping you overcome self-imposed limitations.
When considering giving up on a goal, reflect on whether the issue is a lack of confidence in your ability to achieve it (self-efficacy) or a decrease in the perceived value of the goal itself. Understanding the root cause allows for targeted intervention, either by building skills/confidence or re-evaluating the goal’s importance.