← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Why We're Mean to Our Future Selves (LIVE from Boston)

May 8, 2023 40m 38s 7 insights
<p>Who do we volunteer to run a gruelling half-marathon? Who do we expect to give up sugar, or quit drinking? Who do we demand clears out the garage in the middle of summer?</p> <p>Ourselves. Mean, right?</p> <p>Turns out we make demands on our future selves that our present selves would think are unrealistic or unreasonable. And the reason we do it is because our minds are really bad at anticipating the wants and needs we'll have in a week, a month, or a year from now. And that harms our happiness. </p> <p>Talking before a live audience in Somerville, MA, Dr Laurie Santos and Harvard professor Jason Mitchell explore how we can be kinder to both our present and future selves.   </p> <p> </p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Simulate Present Self for Future

When considering future commitments or tasks, ask yourself if you would be willing and able to do it right now. If it feels too busy or unenjoyable in the present, it’s likely your future self will feel the same, helping to combat future time slack and mispredictions.

2. Use First-Person for Future Self

To foster a stronger connection with your future self, use first-person pronouns like ‘I’ and ‘me’ when thinking about future experiences or choices. This helps bridge the psychological distance, making your future self feel less like a stranger.

3. Sit with Present Discomfort

When faced with an unpleasant task, allow yourself to experience and sit with any negative emotions like anxiety or aversion in the present moment. This helps you tackle the task now, preventing prolonged dread and protecting your future self from the burden.

4. Know Your True Preferences

Cultivate mindfulness to accurately identify your genuine preferences and desires, rather than automatically saying yes to commitments to avoid social awkwardness or guilt. This ensures decisions align with your well-being, rather than offloading unwanted experiences onto your future self.

5. Practice Mindfulness for Decisions

Actively notice and acknowledge feelings of regret, aversion, or ‘ickiness’ when making a decision about a future commitment. This mindful awareness helps determine if you are genuinely interested or merely avoiding present social discomfort.

6. Maintain Future Self Relationship

Constantly remind yourself that you are in an ongoing relationship with your future self, who has feelings and deserves to be treated as a friend. This mental model encourages continuous effort to make better, more empathetic decisions for your future well-being.

7. Recognize Situational Influences

Be aware of the fundamental attribution error, understanding that behavior (including your own future behavior) is heavily influenced by situational constraints, not just inherent personality. This helps avoid misjudging others and overcommitting your future self without considering future circumstances.