Instead of ignoring or wallowing in regrets, use them as information and data to clarify your values and instruct you on how to live a better life.
To become a better person, commit to directly embracing your regrets and the pain they cause, as this transformative emotion can lead to growth.
Do not try to fast forward through the painful parts of regret; allow yourself to fully feel the discomfort, as this pain is what enables you to learn valuable lessons and commit to doing better.
After processing a regret, actively engage in sense-making by asking what you learned from the experience and how you will apply that lesson to your future actions to avoid similar mistakes.
Pay attention to your ‘ideal self’ – the truest, most authentic version of you that ignores societal pressure and pursues hopes and dreams – to make choices that lead to greater happiness.
When faced with a choice between what society expects (ought self) and what truly resonates with your soul (ideal self), choose the path that aligns with your ideal self to achieve greater happiness.
When dealing with regret, first determine if it’s an ‘action regret’ (something you did) or an ‘inaction regret’ (something you didn’t do), as the solution depends on the category.
For regrets about actions you took, admit what you’ve done, assess the damage, apologize for your actions, and atone as best you can to make amends.
If your regret stems from something you didn’t do, take action now to do the thing you haven’t gotten around to, as acting sooner rather than later is crucial for fixing inaction regrets.
If you find yourself wondering whether to reach out to someone with whom a relationship has drifted, always choose to reach out, as people almost always care and the awkwardness is often less than anticipated.
When a ‘perfectionist ought self’ voice urges you to prioritize external expectations, remember the potential future pain of inaction and choose to show up for loved ones in important moments.
For regrets that cannot be fixed, normalize your mistakes as part of the human condition and treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion rather than contempt.
Share your regrets with a close confidant or write them in a journal to make them more concrete, less fearsome, and to initiate the sense-making process, which can improve mental well-being.
Replace the regretful phrase ‘should have’ with ‘what if’ to give yourself grace and shift your mindset towards learning from past experiences for future actions.
When reflecting on past mistakes, use ‘at least’ counterfactuals (e.g., ‘at least there was a later flight’) to find silver linings and remember that things could have been worse.