Actively identify and understand your personal values (e.g., integrity, fairness, compassion) as this clarity strengthens your intended behaviors and reduces biological stress responses, forming the ‘Who am I?’ part of the defiance compass.
When facing a decision, ask three questions: ‘Who am I?’ (what are my values?), ‘What kind of situation is this?’ (is it safe and effective to defy?), and ‘What does a person like me do in a situation like this?’ to align actions with values.
Before agreeing, ensure five elements of informed consent are present: capacity, knowledge, understanding, freedom to say no, and your true authorization. If the freedom to say no is absent, it’s merely compliance, not true consent.
Recognize feelings of tension, anxiety, or discomfort when pressured to comply as a ‘first stage of defiance’ and a signal that something is wrong, indicating your agency is still present and not fully given away.
If you feel tension or discomfort about a request, acknowledge it to yourself and then vocalize it to the person making the request by saying, ‘I’m uncomfortable with that’ or ‘What do you mean by that?’ to make your stance known externally.
Before choosing to defy, ask yourself: ‘Is it safe enough for me to defy?’ (considering financial, psychological, or physical risks) and ‘Will it have enough positive impact?’ to make an informed decision about the situation.
When asked to take on commitments or tasks, actively think about the potential negative costs of saying ‘yes’ (e.g., impact on well-being, family, or other priorities), not just the perceived costs of saying ’no’.
Understand that defiance is a ‘practice, not a personality,’ meaning it’s a skill that can be developed and improved over time through repeated action, rather than an inherent trait.
Actively teach, parent for, and model defiance in your own life to encourage others, especially children, to develop this skill and create a ripple effect of positive resistance in society.
In situations where defying carries too great a risk (financial, psychological, or physical) or the benefits are too small, consciously choose compliance and defer defiance for a safer or more impactful moment.