Focus on aspiration—the goal of becoming a better person—rather than ambition, which is focused on outward success, as aspiration leads to a longer-lasting happiness boost.
Actively turn your mindset from self-focus towards others, as service and connection are effective paths to developing deeper meaning and getting psychologically unstuck.
Develop humility through radical self-awareness from a position of other-centeredness, allowing you to see yourself accurately and honestly without constantly seeking to impress.
In moments of pain, choose to be ‘broken open’ by allowing yourself to be more vulnerable, as this is the only pathway to personal growth, rather than becoming invulnerable.
Develop the ‘apex skill’ of making others feel seen, heard, and understood, treating it as a learnable skill that is crucial for meaningful connection.
Act in ways that are trusting and practice preemptive vulnerability, understanding that while occasional betrayal may occur, it generally pays off and fosters stronger connections.
Develop character through small, everyday practice changes and habits, recognizing that character is forged incrementally, not through massive, sudden transformations.
Pay attention to your ‘wanting system’ over your ’liking system,’ as it is more reliable for pursuing hard and challenging things that lead to deep fulfillment, even if the process isn’t always enjoyable.
Cultivate a willingness to be ‘seized’ by interests or passions, approaching life like wandering through a bookstore, open to being captured by whatever genuinely interests you.
Actively make connections and try to see others, as putting good out there encourages reciprocation and builds more positive interactions and cycles.
Look around your neighborhood to identify problems, discuss them, and then assess what unique skills you possess to contribute and help your community.
Consistently show up for others, even in the face of rejection, as this persistent presence can be identity-changing for both you and the person you’re supporting.
Shift from self-centered attention to casting a ‘just and loving attention’ on others, seeing them with fair and compassionate eyes rather than evaluating them based on personal gain.
Give your full attention to others, recognizing it as the ultimate act of generosity and a fundamental component of moral interaction.
Actively practice listening, understanding that it is a tremendously powerful act in human connection and fostering deeper understanding.
Force yourself to start conversations with strangers, even if you anticipate boredom, as these interactions often prove more interesting and rewarding than expected.
Engage in deeper vulnerability by sharing things you might be embarrassed about or asking profound questions, as this often leads to surprisingly positive and connecting experiences.
Don’t hesitate to ask people questions about their lives, even personal ones, as people are often willing to share and appreciate being asked.
Do not underestimate the power of small moments of connection and brief acts of attention, as they can significantly impact relationships and overall well-being.
Reflect on your childhood to uncover dormant gifts or desires you left behind, as re-tapping into these can help you connect with a deeper sense of self and purpose.
Ask yourself what you truly want deep down at the core of your being, as understanding your own desires is crucial for personal fulfillment.
Read books about people you admire to unconsciously adopt some of their admirable qualities and become a better person.
Place postcards or portraits of people you admire on your wall to surround yourself with their influence, which can lift your spirits and inspire you.
Actively learn and practice basic social skills, such as how to sit with someone depressed, break up gracefully, ask for forgiveness, or end a conversation politely.
Focus on improving the quality of your conversations, as this directly reflects and enhances the quality of your overall interactions with others.
Be cautious and stop whenever you find yourself quantifying a human being, as the most important aspects of life, like determination and kindness, are not easily measurable.
Be mindful of ‘over-autonomizing’ by putting away phones and intentionally seeking connection, as excessive autonomy can lead to poorer long-term well-being despite short-term ease.
Challenge the assumption that people are fundamentally selfish and avoid ascribing darker motivations to others, as this leads to a ‘dark world mentality’ that hinders trust and connection.
Offer ’effective care’ by focusing on what the other person truly needs in a given moment, rather than what is comfortable or convenient for you.
Engage in ‘aggressive friendship’ by actively connecting with and supporting your community, such as being the person who posts everything to keep neighbors informed.
Engage in practices like reading spiritual books and attending religious services consistently to make yourself a little deeper each day.
Allow your actions to be driven by both selfish and altruistic reasons, recognizing this as a sign of a well-structured society and a healthy approach to personal growth.
Do not be constantly busy or have a ‘clock in your head’ during interactions, as this behavior can destroy relationships by making others feel unheard and undervalued.
Do not use workaholism as a coping mechanism for spiritual or emotional crises, as it is an ineffective therapy that only provides an outward appearance of success.