Distinguish between authentic guilt (when you’ve done something wrong and need to atone) and false guilt (when you only feel like you’ve done something wrong) to avoid counterproductive decisions.
Practice thought awareness by noticing what you’re saying to yourself that leads to guilt, then discern if the thought is valid (actual wrongdoing) or just a feeling, and if it’s a feeling, consider how to change the thought.
(P) Pinpoint the specific event or thought that is truly triggering your feeling of guilt.
(E) Examine the specific thoughts you are having about the guilt trigger, asking what you are saying to yourself that makes you feel you’ve done something wrong.
(E) Exchange inaccurate thoughts for more accurate ones by asking what a more truthful perspective on the situation would be.
(L) List concrete evidence that supports the truthful thought you’ve identified, reinforcing the accurate perspective over the guilt-inducing one.
Get quiet and ask yourself profound questions like ‘Why am I doing what I’m doing?’, ‘Am I actually doing something wrong?’, and ‘Does this line up with my values?’ to gain clarity and freedom.
Use the experience of guilt as a signal to identify when your actions are misaligned with your true values and expectations.
Reset your own expectations, especially if they are being guided by others’ expectations, to align with what you truly believe is right or wrong for yourself.
Clearly define vague expectations (e.g., ‘work out more’ becomes ‘work out twice a week’) to prevent feeling guilty about not doing ’enough’ when ’enough’ was never specified.
Notice when your expectations are harmful, unrealistic, or cannot be met in your current season of life, and give yourself permission to change them.
Practice self-compassion by recognizing that past expectations might be outdated due to new responsibilities or circumstances, and ask yourself what’s reasonable and important now.
Give yourself permission and show yourself grace, going easy on yourself instead of constantly beating yourself up.
Accept where you are and acknowledge your humanity, understanding that you won’t always be perfect, and that’s okay, so you don’t have to beat yourself up.
Release the belief that you have to get everything right, recognizing that you can’t, and instead focus on continuing to try.
Focus on what you can learn from a situation and how you can grow from it, rather than beating yourself up, which is an unnecessary part of the equation.
Instead of viewing guilt as bad, recognize it as an important guide that can help you discern what is right and wrong, especially if you are a conscientious person who cares about others.
When you feel guilt, simply label the emotion by saying ‘ah, that’s guilt’ to interrupt the thought pattern and create an opportunity for intentional action.
The first step to addressing guilt is to simply notice and allow yourself to feel the emotion without immediate judgment.
Become aware of your personal guilt triggers to intentionally recognize them before they hijack your decisions and actions.
Be aware of negative emotions like guilt and prevent them from taking over your decisions, as they can lead to counterproductive outcomes.
Recognize if you are using guilt as a subconscious coping mechanism, dampening your happiness out of fear that it won’t last, and choose not to.
Use journaling to ask yourself ‘What are you feeling guilty about exactly?’ and ‘What are your values around this?’ to clarify your beliefs and challenge outdated thoughts.
To overcome guilt, explicitly ask yourself if you truly believe in the expectations placed upon you, or if you have a different set of values for your own family.
When truly guilty, admit that you did something wrong and acknowledge that you caused harm.
Courageously assess the specific harm you caused by your actions, even if it’s difficult to look at.
Apologize sincerely to those you’ve harmed, acknowledging the specific wrong, its impact on them, and your contribution to the situation.
Whenever possible, atone for your wrongdoing by making amends, trying not to worsen the situation, and paying back in any way you can, depending on the circumstance.
After apologizing and atoning, adjust your behavior to prevent repeating the same mistake, as it’s not enough to apologize without changing actions.
Accept forgiveness from others if offered, and if not possible, do the work to forgive yourself for your humanity and for things you cannot change, allowing yourself to move forward.
Update your to-do list for the next day before heading to bed to prepare for the upcoming day.
When feeling overwhelmed by an unchecked to-do list and ’not good enough’ feelings, add ‘give myself a little grace’ to your list and check it off immediately.