Accept yourself while also expecting more, as happiness comes from growth and learning. This balance is personal and requires self-awareness to determine where the line is.
Use nouns to describe desired behaviors (e.g., “I am a healthy eater” instead of “I eat healthy”) to fundamentally change your relationship to those actions and strengthen habits. This shifts your self-identity, making the behavior more automatic.
Make desired actions into habits that operate automatically to avoid constantly deploying willpower. This frees up mental energy and makes adherence to goals easier.
Focus on concrete, measurable actions rather than vague outcomes (e.g., “practice Italian 30 minutes daily” instead of “learn Italian”). This provides a clear path, allows you to track progress, and offers a sense of satisfaction.
Allow yourself to stop and rest, not just push through, to avoid becoming drained, overwhelmed, and unfocused. Rest is an essential investment that helps you keep going and improves overall well-being.
Ensure your good intentions lead to practical, realistic actions that fit your real life, habits, and lifestyle. Otherwise, intentions can be draining and discouraging if they don’t materialize.
Understand that things often get worse or messier before they get better, whether cleaning a closet, changing careers, or processing emotions. This perspective helps you persist through difficult phases, knowing they are part of the path to improvement.
Recognize that true happiness involves living up to your values and flourishing, even if it means doing things that don’t always feel good in the moment. This broader understanding helps manage expectations and pursue a more meaningful life.
Structure your physical environment to remove temptations and make desired actions the only reasonable course. For example, don’t keep sugar in the house if you’re trying to avoid it, eliminating the need for constant willpower.
Surround yourself with people whose behaviors model your desired habits and who won’t create tempting situations. This social environment can make it easier to stick to your goals without needing extra willpower.
Change the words you use to describe tasks to shift your perspective and attitude towards them. For instance, ask if you “get to” do something instead of “have to” do it, making the task feel more empowering.
Actively appreciate and notice what’s happening now, as “one day now will be a long time ago.” This practice helps you relish fleeting experiences and avoid future regrets.
Project yourself into the future to consider how current problems will feel in 5 or 10 years. This distant self-talk can help put present difficulties into perspective, making them seem less daunting.
Recognize that feelings of annoyance or frustration towards others, especially in caregiving roles, often stem from a deeper sense of care. This reframe can help you take a breath and understand the underlying emotion.
If you find yourself ruminating, write down your worries to memorialize them. This allows your brain to let go of the need to constantly remember them, reducing mental clutter.
When you start to ruminate on problems, actively distract yourself by doing something else. Studies show that distraction can be more effective than continued worrying, which often increases anxiety without solving the problem.
Allocate a specific, limited time slot each day (e.g., 30 minutes) for worrying. Outside of this scheduled time, commit to not worrying, allowing your mind to focus on other things.
When worrying, consider the absolute worst that could happen and then logically think through the subsequent steps. Often, the reality is not as catastrophic as imagined, or there are clear solutions.
When processing tough emotions like sadness or overwhelm, allow yourself to sit with and accept them, even if it feels messy initially. This process, though uncomfortable, can lead to a much better emotional state.
For strong cravings or undesirable habits, consider completely eliminating the tempting item or behavior rather than relying on constant resistance. This “all or nothing” approach can be easier than continuous willpower exertion.
Prioritize getting a good night’s sleep, even going to bed early on a bad day, to allow your mind to reset. “Everything looks better after a good night’s sleep,” helping you face challenges with renewed clarity.
Don’t expect to be driven solely by the vague concept of “motivation,” as it often conflates desire with action. Instead, focus on practical steps and habit formation rather than waiting for a feeling of motivation.
Challenge yourself to convey big ideas in short, concise sentences (aphoristically). This creative constraint can spark creativity and force your thinking to clarify complex concepts.
Employ short, punchy sayings or aphorisms to make useful insights easier to remember and draw into your mind. This helps you recall important wisdom when you need it most, like putting it on an index card.
Do not fall into the belief that repeatedly rehearsing disaster acts as “protective magic” to prevent it. Recognize that this rumination does not offer actual protection and only increases anxiety.