← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Top 5: How to Act Like an Extrovert

Nov 25, 2024 30m 46s 12 insights
<p>It's Happiness Lab's fifth birthday - so as part of the celebration we're playing some of Dr Laurie's favorite episodes. The final selection attracted a lot of downloads when it went out. but also made some people mad. The Introvert's Guide to Extroversion.</p> <p>Jessica Pan hated social gatherings - she cried when her friends threw her a surprise birthday party, and was even too scared to give a speech at her own wedding. Jessica was a hardcore introvert - and it was making her sad.  </p> <p>Extroverts find it easier to experience the joy that comes with social interactions - but that doesn't mean introverts are doomed to lives that lack such fun. Jessica read some research that suggested introverts can learn to enjoy being more outgoing - so decided to turn her social life around. </p> <p>You can read more of Jessica's story in her book: <em>Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come:  One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes. </em>She is posting updates from her year of extroverting at her Substack,<em> "It'll Be Fun, They Said"  (<a href="https://jesspan.substack.com/">https://jesspan.substack.com/</a>).</em></p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Extroverted Behavior for Happiness

Actively engage in more talkative, assertive, and spontaneous behaviors, even if you identify as an introvert, because studies show this significantly boosts happiness for both introverts and extroverts.

2. Initiate Social Connection First

Be the first to make a move in social interactions, such as waving or saying hello, as people almost always reciprocate, making it easier to connect.

3. Engage in Deep Conversations

Move beyond ‘shallow talk’ (e.g., weather, commutes) to ‘deep talk’ by sharing personal experiences, hopes, fears, or vulnerabilities, as this fosters true connection and is often less awkward than expected.

4. Practice Active Listening

Make others feel truly heard and paid attention to, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak, as this is an ‘underrated magic skill’ that transforms how people treat you.

5. Challenge Social Avoidance

Don’t use introversion as an excuse to avoid social events or opportunities that could be beneficial for personal growth or career, as this limits who you can become.

6. Confront Social Fears Directly

Deliberately engage in ’terrifying’ social encounters like talking to strangers, public speaking, or improv comedy, as confidence comes from surviving these scary experiences, not from a lack of fear beforehand.

7. Use Exposure Therapy for Anxiety

To overcome fear of embarrassment, intentionally ask ‘stupid questions’ to strangers in public, realizing that nothing truly bad will happen and leading to exhilaration.

8. Go to Parties and Arrive Early

When invited to social gatherings, commit to going and try to arrive early, as this makes it less intimidating to join groups before established ‘clicks’ form.

9. Be Patient with Discomfort

Acknowledge that initial social interactions or new behaviors might feel uncomfortable or ‘freezing,’ but understand that with self-compassion and patience, your body and mind will adjust.

10. Talk to Strangers on Commutes

Initiate conversations with people like cashiers, baristas, or fellow commuters, as research indicates these interactions make people happier than anticipated.

11. Break the Ice Gradually

Start by breaking the ice with just one person in a social setting, as the first interaction is the hardest, and subsequent conversations become progressively easier.

12. Question Assumptions About Others

Challenge your preconceived notions that others don’t want to talk to you, as these beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies that prevent positive social interactions.