← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

The War For Kindness

Jun 22, 2020 35m 1s 8 insights
<p>Feeling you belong to a group can be great - but it also has a darker side, leading us down an unhappy path of hatred and violence towards people with different identities and backgrounds.</p><p>Dr Laurie Santos talks to Mina Cikara - whose homeland descended into a bloody civil war - and Jamil Zaki about how we can fight hatred with empathy, kindness and difficult conversations.</p><p>(Deep canvassing clips courtesy of The Leadership Lab <a href="https://leadership-lab.org/">https://leadership-lab.org/</a> at the Los Angeles LGBT Center.)</p><p>For an even deeper dive into the research we talk about in the show visit <a href="https://www.happinesslab.fm/">happinesslab.fm</a></p><p> </p> Learn more about your ad-choices at <a href="https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com">https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com</a><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Curiosity in Disagreement

When encountering ideological differences, instead of debating or judging, actively cultivate curiosity by asking others about the origins of their opinions and sharing your own stories, as this fosters appreciation and connection across divides.

2. Initiate Connection and Vulnerability

Take the powerful first step of putting your guard down, being vulnerable, and listening to others, as this often encourages them to reciprocate, leading to mutual understanding and connection.

3. Address Individuals, Not Stereotypes

In intergroup interactions, focus on engaging with the actual person in front of you rather than relying on preconceived ideas or stereotypes, as this common mistake significantly escalates conflict.

4. Care for Others for Self-Care

Prioritize caring for others, as data indicates that empathic actions are a vital way to care for yourself, leading to increased happiness, reduced stress, and lower rates of depression.

5. Help Others When Stressed

When feeling overwhelmed or short on personal time and energy, intentionally choose to help someone else, as this counterintuitive action can lead to feeling energized rather than depleted.

6. Recognize Mental Mistakes

Actively identify and be aware of the cognitive errors your mind makes, particularly in intergroup contexts, as recognizing these mistakes is a crucial step toward finding solutions and increasing happiness.

7. Commit to Kindness

Make a conscious commitment to being kinder to others to actively combat societal divisiveness and the increasing sense of disconnection, viewing it as a deliberate ‘war for kindness’.

8. Manage Empathic Energy

Understand that it is acceptable to manage your emotional energy and bandwidth, and you are not obligated to connect with or empathize with individuals expressing hateful or awful things, especially when it is emotionally exhausting.