Allow grief to come through you in its chaotic and messy way, as blocking this natural process can cause harm and pain is the agent of change, forcing you to face reality.
Surrender to and face the intense emotions of grief (like sadness, fear, or anger) by allowing them to come through your system and expressing them, which helps you incrementally adapt and shift.
Engage in vital and tender conversations with loved ones facing death about fears, beliefs, and practical wishes (e.g., cremation/burial) to resolve unanswered questions and create a bedrock of memories for survivors.
Combat the ’locked, terrorized state’ of grief by taking exercise, moving your body, and getting outside, then intentionally calm yourself with soothing activities like a cup of tea, a hug, or journaling to release tightness and connect your mind and body.
Actively switch between a ’loss orientation’ (connecting with the deceased and feeling sadness) and a ‘restoration orientation’ (getting on with your day and living life) to navigate the grieving process effectively.
Set aside a specific ‘cut out time,’ perhaps half an hour daily, to intentionally engage with memories, photos, or feelings related to the deceased, preventing emotions from hijacking you unexpectedly in other situations.
If strong emotions arise in a public place, acknowledge them (e.g., ‘I feel really sad’) and take a breath, but then log them to process in a safe place later, rather than suppressing them all day, which allows the emotion to grow in force.
View sadness not as a negative or bad emotion, but as a natural, expressive, and wired-in process that, when allowed, can lead to release and a feeling of being better, supporting your emotional experience.
Utilize ’touchstones’ like looking at photos or writing postcards to the deceased to actively move into connection with their memory and feel love, which helps maintain the relationship through love.
Do not turn on yourself or attack yourself for how you are feeling during grief, as this makes the process much more complex and can lead to complicated or prolonged grief.
Avoid euphemisms like ‘passed away’ and use direct language such as ‘died’ to acknowledge the reality of death, as softening words can deny the truth and protect against the reality of the loss.