Shift from a self-focused, inward sense of self to considering and integrating other people, known as allocentric thinking. This reduces personal pressure by contextualizing your experiences and fosters social connection and support.
Strive to become less egocentric and more interconnected with humanity. Authentic, lasting happiness comes from enriching the lives of others and feeling connected, rather than from self-gratification.
View your sense of self as a narrative that is continuously unfolding and can be rewritten over time. This perspective offers a hopeful message that change is always possible, even in times of despair.
Consistently apply the activities and lessons that contribute to your happiness. Happiness is a skill requiring ongoing effort; without consistent practice, elevated happiness levels tend to revert to baseline.
Take yourself less seriously in life. This mindset shift contributes to being more allocentric and makes you more likable to others.
Actively use your energy to make other people’s lives better. This generates more authentic and lasting happiness for yourself, makes you more liked, and positively impacts your own success.
Actively work to prevent loneliness and social isolation in your life. Loneliness is a significant factor contributing to earlier deaths and negatively impacts both physical and mental well-being.
Actively reach out and reconnect with people in ways that are truly meaningful, beyond just sending quick texts. People often enjoy spontaneous connections more than anticipated, strengthening social bonds.
Join a choir, club, or other group activities that serve as “third places” (not work, not home). These provide opportunities for spontaneous social interaction and meeting people with shared interests.
Make an effort to exchange compliments or speak briefly with people you encounter daily, such as a barista or mail carrier. These small interactions are an overlooked source of happiness and can brighten someone’s day.
Offer your time to volunteer at organizations like a soup kitchen or pet adoption agency. This is an excellent way to meet new people, is ennobling, and provides surprisingly rewarding experiences.
When engaging in conversation, pay close attention to what the other person is saying and then ask questions that demonstrate your understanding. This creates a strong bond and is deeply satisfying for the speaker, showing genuine engagement.
Be willing to share your failures and vulnerabilities with others. This makes you more personable, relatable, and likable, fostering trust and allowing people to connect with your human experience.
Recognize and challenge the “liking gap,” which is the tendency to underestimate how much others like you after a conversation. This awareness can reduce reluctance to engage in social interactions, which are often more pleasant than expected.
Understand that people generally do not notice your perceived weaknesses and flaws as much as you believe they do. This awareness helps reduce self-consciousness by recognizing that others are less focused on you than you think.
Be mindful of your brain’s natural bias to focus on negative information and consider deliberately avoiding social media if you are sensitive to criticism. This helps counter rumination and the “compare and despair” phenomenon.
Deliberately reappraise your life in a more positive way over time to become more flexible in processing negative information. This shifts your default thinking away from worst-case scenarios towards a more balanced and hopeful outlook.
Proactively journal three positive things that have happened to you each day. This practice helps you focus on the good, provides a tangible record of positive experiences, and allows you to review how well things are going.
Make a habit of writing down or verbally expressing gratitude. This helps you recognize your good fortune and the support you receive from others, strengthening your sense of connectedness.
Forcefully consider other people’s circumstances by actively reaching out and trying to help them. This practice helps shift your focus from egocentric to allocentric thinking by being mindful of others’ needs.
When a thought to do something generous arises, make an effort to act on it rather than letting second thoughts (like “I don’t have time” or “they might not want it”) stop you. Following through on these impulses is incredibly useful and consistently feels good.
When facing problems or negative thoughts, refer to yourself in the third person (e.g., “Bruce is worried”). This linguistic shift helps to distance your mind from an egocentric perspective, reducing the emotional impact of negative thoughts and providing a more objective viewpoint.
Be open to taking risks and challenging yourself, rather than always opting for the easiest path. Failure is a crucial component of learning and personal advancement, and avoiding risks can hinder growth.
Actively work to direct and control your attention, rather than allowing your mind to wander aimlessly. Mind-wandering is frequently associated with unhappiness, rumination, and worrying about unresolved issues.
Seek out and participate in activities that align with your skills and offer a sufficient level of challenge. These “flow states” are highly positive, where time seems to disappear, and you feel deeply content and focused on the task.
Practice meditation to prepare your mind for flow states. Meditation helps calm a disturbed mind, redirects attention away from internal monologues, and can reduce activity in the default mode network associated with rumination.
Regularly go out into natural environments. Nature’s unpredictability and aesthetic qualities encourage mindfulness and engagement with your surroundings, which can help quiet the mind’s default mode network.
Apply the WOOP technique (Wish, Outcome, Obstacles, Plan) to achieve goals and develop better habits. Clearly define your wish and desired outcome, identify potential obstacles, and then create specific contingency plans to overcome them.