Recognize that your mind often lies, making you think others are more judgmental, less friendly, or selfish than they truly are. Interacting with the ‘people in your mind’ prevents you from getting real data and meeting actual friendly people.
Take baby steps to initiate social connections, like talking to a stranger or asking someone on a ‘friend date.’ These interactions are likely to go better than expected, providing data that counters your mind’s lies about rejection and unfriendliness.
Actively seek out and engage in social interaction with others around you. Talking to just one person can often make you feel much better and improve your mood.
Be gentle with yourself and understand that you need to re-strengthen and re-acclimate to the social world, especially after periods of isolation. Your social muscles may have atrophied, and it takes time to get back in practice.
With friends or strangers, go beyond surface-level discussions by asking what matters to them, what they’re struggling with, and sharing your own struggles. This practice often leads to more meaningful connections and can be the most fulfilling part of your day.
When interacting with others, especially those with different identities or perspectives, focus on their individual stories rather than relying on statistics and stereotypes. Over-reliance on statistics creates misleading perceptions and prevents you from truly knowing people, whereas stories reveal commonalities and unique differences.
Show genuine curiosity in others and invite them to share their stories, especially by listening to them first. People are often willing to open up quickly, and this reciprocal act of listening builds commonality and encourages others to listen to you in return.
Understand that the job of empathy is not to ‘fix’ other people or solve their problems, as you cannot control their outcomes. Instead, focus on what you can control: being attentive, supportive, and non-judgmental, which constitutes successful empathy regardless of the outcome.
When supporting others, practice equanimity by accepting you cannot control their outcomes, and practice self-compassion by acknowledging your own suffering when around struggling people. This allows you to provide what you can without burnout, and also to care for your own well-being.
When encountering someone who seems unhappy or has a ‘bad attitude,’ question whether they truly don’t share your happiness goals. Often, people share core goals but feel disconnected from them, and outward expressions like anger or frustration can mask underlying anxiety or sadness.
If you or others are experiencing burnout, address exhaustion with self-compassion and self-care (recharging), and address cynicism/disconnection by helping other people. Helping others is a powerful antidote to cynicism, fostering meaning in connections and creating a win-win where both the giver and receiver benefit.
To combat pessimism in yourself or others, acknowledge that while challenges exist, most people fundamentally want to help, connect, and have a positive impact. This perspective counters the disproportionate focus on negativity in media and empowers you to fight for a better future, knowing most people share this desire.
When disagreements arise, clearly identify what you agree and disagree on, distinguishing between task conflict (how something gets done) and relational conflict (disliking someone). This prevents overgeneralizing task-specific disagreements into personal animosity, allowing for more productive discussions and preserving relationships.
When facing disagreements, begin by explicitly stating what everyone agrees on to establish common ground. This makes the subsequent discussion of specific disagreements feel less threatening and more productive, preventing minor conflicts from escalating into broader relational issues.
Approach challenges to your opinions or beliefs with intellectual humility, viewing them as opportunities to grow and learn rather than threats to your self-worth. This mindset allows for more open-minded and productive disagreement, fostering a world where people can challenge each other specifically while broadly supporting one another.
To foster intellectual bravery and open-minded disagreement, first cultivate a foundation of social safety through empathy, compassion, mutual support, and discussions about shared values and connections. Feeling socially safe allows individuals to challenge assumptions and learn from disagreements without feeling personally threatened.
Acknowledge and give yourself credit for the bravery involved in returning to previous levels of social connection and togetherness, especially after periods of isolation. Bravery isn’t just about trying new things; it also applies to the effort required to re-establish familiar, positive routines and connections.