Restructure your situations and context to less often be tempted or pushed into intense emotional “hot states.” This strategy helps prevent undesirable behaviors by altering your environment rather than relying solely on willpower.
Practice reminding yourself that you will be pretty powerless when a truly intense emotion strikes, internalizing the message that you don’t have as much control over cravings or emotions as you think. This helps in understanding and planning for future hot states.
Recognize that you will never truly overcome your inherent empathy gap, meaning your hot state self will always feel somewhat like a stranger. Acknowledge this fundamental loss of control and live your life with this understanding.
Make sure your calm, rational self remembers that hot-cold empathy gaps exist, as it’s nearly impossible to understand an emotional state’s effect on behavior when you’re not in it. This counters the tendency to underestimate emotional vulnerability.
Commit to being nicer and more compassionate to your emotional “hot state” self, understanding that behavior in those states is influenced by powerful emotions. This increased understanding can lead to greater self-forgiveness and reduced self-blame.
When in a strong emotional “hot state,” write down what’s going on and how you truly feel to communicate with your future calm self. This provides a “sneak peek” and helps you remember the experience, as you can’t rely on memory alone.
In a calm state, take a few minutes to carefully and vividly imagine re-experiencing a past strong emotion, playing out the transition from a cold to a hot state slowly. This helps you tap into and acknowledge that intense emotions might be lurking around the corner.
Avoid quickly dismissing actions taken in emotional states as “not you,” because this prevents learning from those experiences. Instead, collect data on your emotional ebbs and flows to gain critical information about your emotional life.