← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

How to Make Friends and Compliment People

Oct 9, 2023 29m 31s 12 insights
<p>Connecting with people is a sure-fire way to be happier - and you can quickly build relationships with friends and strangers alike just by giving them a sincere compliment.</p> <p>In the first show of a season about how to be more sociable - we meet Troy Hawke, who makes a living complimenting everyone he passes on the street, and scientist Xuan Zhao - an expert on compliments who ditched her boyfriend for failing to say out loud all the nice things he thought about her.</p> <p>(For more on Xuan's public benefit startup Flourish Science - a company aiming to "help people discover joy, combat burnout, and cultivate deeper connections within supportive communities" - then visit <a href="http://www.flouriship.com/">www.flouriship.com</a>.)</p> <p> </p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Commit to Sharing Kind Words

Make a conscious commitment to share as many kind words as possible, as this simple act significantly boosts both your own and others’ happiness and well-being.

2. Challenge Social Mispredictions

Recognize that your mind often lies about the happiness benefits of social interaction; challenge pessimistic predictions about awkwardness and negative reactions to engage more.

3. Compliment Without Delay

Avoid waiting for the ‘perfect’ time to give a compliment, as delaying can lead to missed opportunities and the impact of kind words does not diminish over time.

4. Prioritize Warmth Over Performance

When giving compliments, focus on genuine interest and warmth rather than worrying about perfect word choice or delivery, as recipients value sincerity over articulation.

5. Deliver Bespoke, Sincere Compliments

Offer compliments that are tailor-made, unmotivated by self-interest, and genuinely sincere, as these specific and authentic observations are most likely to brighten someone’s day.

6. Mindful Compliment Context

Be mindful of the context when giving compliments; for example, focus on competence and skills for colleagues rather than appearance to ensure the message is well-received.

7. Verbalize Noticed Positives

Actively verbalize the nice things you notice about others, rather than just thinking them, as people often don’t know their good traits unless told.

8. Compliments Build Relationships

Understand that the true purpose of compliments extends beyond sharing positive facts; they are a powerful tool for building and strengthening relationships.

9. Give Frequent Compliments

Give compliments frequently, even to the same person, as research shows their positive impact on recipients does not degrade or wear off over time.

10. Practice Complimenting Often

Make a conscious effort to practice giving compliments often, whenever and wherever appropriate, as this skill can be developed and will improve your relationships.

11. Reach Out to Loved Ones

Actively reach out more frequently to the people you care about, as even a quick text or phone call can be significantly important to a friend in need.

12. Overcome Busyness for Friends

Actively work to overcome the usual busyness that often prevents you from being the best friend you can be, ensuring you make time for important social connections.