Stop running away from difficult emotions; instead, allow, embrace, and learn from them, as suppressing and avoiding them only makes you feel worse in the long run.
Actively look difficult emotions in the eye and name them, because this act gives you power over the emotion itself, rather than it having power over you.
Employ specific language to describe your feelings, as this precision helps uncover underlying issues like betrayed expectations, which is essential for healing and learning.
When experiencing an emotion, use the framework of Biology, Biography, Behavior, and Backstory to understand its layers and gain deeper insight into what you are feeling and why.
Commit to recognizing and describing your feelings more precisely, especially difficult ones, to better navigate your emotional landscape and find your way back to yourself and others.
When trying to understand what others are feeling, get curious, connect deeply, question, challenge, and listen, rather than attempting to ‘read’ their emotions.
Differentiate between worry, which is future-oriented anxiety, and rumination, which involves getting stuck on past events, to apply appropriate and distinct coping strategies.
If you feel resentful, especially when burnt out, consider if it’s actually envy for others’ self-care or boundaries, shifting the focus from blaming others to addressing your own unmet needs.
Recognize that disappointment stems from violated expectations, particularly uncommunicated ‘stealth expectations,’ and address them by updating or openly communicating them to prevent conflict.
When experiencing similar physiological responses that could be anxiety or excitement, try to reframe the feeling as excitement, potentially by adjusting your ‘backstory’ or perspective to a ‘cool challenge’.
Accept that comparison is an involuntary human tendency, but consciously choose to let go of it and focus on your own experience, rather than letting it dictate your feelings.
Understand that surprise is a short-lived emotion that heightens subsequent emotions; if you dislike heightened emotions, you can mitigate surprises (e.g., by knowing plot details of a movie).
Actively talk about difficult emotions like shame, as avoiding discussion can paradoxically lead to experiencing it more intensely and frequently.
Dispense with the beliefs that worrying is helpful or unchangeable, and avoid worrying about worrying itself, as these myths hinder effective management of anxiety.
Reserve the term ‘overwhelmed’ for situations where life’s pace truly exceeds your nervous system’s capacity, rather than using it for general stress, to avoid triggering a ‘shut down protocol’.
Learn the precise definitions of envy (wanting something someone else has) and jealousy (fear of losing something you have to someone else) to accurately identify and address these distinct feelings.
When you identify feelings of envy, turn inward and ask yourself what you need that you are afraid to ask for, to uncover and address your unmet needs directly.
Proactively discuss and align expectations with others, especially for shared experiences like vacations, to prevent disappointment and potential conflict.
Pay specific attention to the physical sensations associated with emotions and explore if there’s ‘wiggle room’ in how you describe them, potentially reframing negative experiences.
When feeling lost or overwhelmed by emotions, pause to be grateful that you get to experience such a spectacular emotional landscape in the first place, and marvel at its complexity.