View your brain like a muscle that can grow stronger with practice; believe in your ability to change, as this belief directly influences your willingness to engage in practices (like mindfulness or gratitude) that build mental strength and lead to actual change.
Recognize that your identity is not fixed to a specific pursuit or role, but is malleable and can extend beyond any single aspect of your life. This prevents identity foreclosure and allows for exploration of other passions and roles.
Cultivate the belief that positive change, leading to more joy, happiness, and flourishing, is always possible, as scientific literature and neuroscience demonstrate the brain’s plasticity and our ability to change more than we often realize.
Overcome change aversion by recognizing and trusting your inherent resilience; understand that you are capable of getting through difficult changes and that even ‘bad’ changes can lead to growth, which can encourage you to pursue beneficial changes you might otherwise fear.
When experiencing loss or change, identify the underlying features or traits of the activities that brought you joy (e.g., human connection, creativity) rather than focusing solely on the specific pursuit itself, then seek to construct those features in other areas of your life.
Identify your core character strengths and values (e.g., connecting with people, love of learning, bravery) and actively apply them more in your career, relationships, and daily activities to experience greater joy, as the specific activity matters less than bringing out these traits.
Even when feeling resistant or in the midst of a bad change, commit to writing a gratitude list, as this practice can soften your perspective, reframe the event, and help you gain distance and appreciation for your life.
When dealing with uncertainty and negative emotions (sadness, fear, anxiety), practice ‘urge surfing’ by taking time to notice, accept, and sit with these feelings without trying to run away from them, understanding that emotions, like waves, will crest and then subside.
If you are experiencing a difficult change and sense-making isn’t happening naturally, sit down and journal about it to actively engage in the process of meaning-making and narrative construction, which can fast-forward your understanding and acceptance.
In the face of significant negative change, actively work on improving your personality traits, such as becoming more empathetic, a better listener, and showing more compassion towards yourself and others, to find meaning and purpose.
Approach any change (positive or negative) with humility, acknowledging that there will be unexpected consequences and surprises; continuously ‘audit’ your experiences to understand how different parts of your life interact with the change and build self-intuition.
If you are contemplating a significant change, seek out and ask individuals who have already gone through that specific experience for their insights, as they can provide valuable perspectives on the unforeseen pros and cons.
Actively look for ways to shape your job description or role to incorporate your core strengths and values, even if it means proposing new contributions or ‘superpowers’ that benefit the role, to increase job satisfaction and well-being.
Engage in a ‘strengths date’ with a friend or spouse where you choose a fun activity specifically designed to leverage your shared character strengths and values (e.g., an activity that fosters connection if that’s a strength) to enhance joy and relationships.
Understand that even negative or traumatic changes can lead to profound personal growth and help you appreciate the full range of your reactions and emotions, rather than solely perceiving them as detrimental.
Recognize that humans irresistibly build narratives and find ways to make sense of experiences, which can bring comfort during difficult times by helping you find meaning or purpose in whatever happens.
When faced with a novel or surprising change, remind yourself that while the specifics might be unprecedented, your human psychology is built for navigating change, and you’ve successfully overcome many changes in the past.
Recognize that personality traits continue to change gradually and systematically throughout your life, with traits like conscientiousness and agreeableness increasing, and neuroticism decreasing, leading to natural personal growth.
Understand that the brain is incredibly plastic and capable of change, similar to how muscles respond to exercise; use this scientific knowledge to motivate yourself to invest time and effort into practices that foster positive mental and emotional development.
Consciously remind yourself, especially during difficult moments, that you possess a psychological immune system that will help you cope with adversity, even if your emotions don’t immediately align; over time, this intellectual understanding can lead to emotional acceptance and reduced volatility.
Intentionally sitting with and accepting negative emotions, rather than fighting them, can cause them to lose their power over you, leading to a profound shift in your relationship with those feelings.
For persistent, intrusive negative experiences (like chronic pain or unwanted thoughts), consciously reinterpret them not as enemies to fight, but as neutral presences in your life that you can acknowledge and accept, thereby changing your relationship with them.
Cultivate an attitude of allowing unwanted changes into your life, as this often leads to unexpected growth, increased resilience, and more positive outcomes than you initially anticipate.
When facing a unique change and feeling isolated, look for wisdom and insights from people who have gone through vastly different experiences but where the underlying psychological processes or feelings of loss are similar, as their advice can still be highly relevant.