Recognize that trauma is subjective and any experience that shatters your belief system and for which you lack coping tools is valid, regardless of its perceived scale, without feeling guilty.
Take responsibility for tending to your own traumas, even small ones, because unhealed wounds can spread negativity to others and negatively affect your daily reactions and life choices.
Engage in radical acceptance only when you are in a safe physical and emotional space, as attempting it during ongoing danger or survival mode can be counterproductive and harmful.
Courageously pause and be radically honest with yourself by fully recognizing and acknowledging your current state, such as anxiety or depression, as this self-awareness is the crucial first step to healing.
Actively train yourself to calm your body and shift focus from negative obsessions to positive or enjoyable aspects of life, recognizing that survival mechanisms can become detrimental once danger has passed.
Be aware that trauma responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, while protective in danger, can become self-sabotaging if continued after the threat is gone, leading to further harm.
When facing serious setbacks or new problems, try to channel ancient Stoics like Epictetus by viewing bad times as opportunities to learn, grow, and challenges to be overcome, rather than insurmountable obstacles.
In the face of overwhelming pain or uncontrollable life events, consciously choose happiness and focus on purpose and meaning, as these are aspects you can always control within the experience.
Allow yourself to feel sadness without needing a reason, vocalizing it to loved ones, and practicing self-compassion, understanding that painful things take time and it’s okay to not be happy immediately.
Don’t postpone actions that could lead to happiness; if someone invites you for a walk or a call, try it even if you don’t feel like it, as social connection and consistent effort contribute to well-being.
Approach new concepts for well-being with curiosity, even if they seem unbelievable at first, and then practice them habitually to experience profound positive changes in your perception of life.
Actively recognize and nurture social connections with people who truly matter in your life, fostering gratitude for their support, as this fine-tunes your relationships and enhances well-being.
Allow personal pain to cultivate greater empathy for others, but also increase self-compassion and self-care to avoid burnout, ensuring you have the capacity to help others effectively.
Before attempting to find ‘gifts’ or growth in trauma, ensure that the suffering and pain are fully acknowledged and validated, as this recognition is a crucial prerequisite for healing and transformation.
View trauma not as a return to a previous state, but as an opportunity for reinvention, allowing you to become a new, stronger, and more valuable version of yourself, much like kintsugi mends broken pottery with gold.
Actively tell the story about yourself and decide who you want to be in your life, rather than letting external labels or past traumas define your identity.
After experiencing trauma and growth, consciously shift your priorities away from trivial matters, focusing on what truly matters, and cultivate deep gratitude for life’s simple pleasures and meaningful relationships.
Recognize that surviving and learning from painful experiences, such as divorce, equips you with powerful tools and a protective factor, fostering a sense of personal strength to face future challenges.
Actively seek and nurture meaningful, long-lasting relationships with friends and family, and engage with support groups or communities where you feel heard and validated, as these are crucial for healing and well-being.
Understand that post-traumatic growth is possible for everyone but rarely achieved alone; actively seek out a supportive person or community who can listen, validate, and hold hope for you during difficult times.
Once validated and in a safe space, actively construct a new narrative about yourself and the world by expanding your belief systems, reading, learning, traveling, or engaging in creative expression to redefine your understanding of life.
Practice integration by embracing both your past traumas and your new lessons and identities, allowing yourself to discuss past losses without reliving trauma, and recognizing the whole, evolved person you have become.
Embark on a ‘hero’s journey’ by finding a life mission or purpose, often inspired by your own traumatic experiences, and then serving others in a meaningful way, giving back to the world from a place of lived wisdom.
Shift your relationship with loss by focusing on the life lived and the positive legacy of the person, rather than solely on their death, allowing you to carry forward their values and contribute to the world.