← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

How to Fight Perfectionism

Jun 3, 2024 29m 43s 9 insights
<p>Holding yourself to impossibly high standards is self-defeating and makes for a miserable life. Can Dr Laurie Santos find ways to tackle her constant perfectionism so she can perform better <em>and</em> have more fun? </p> <p>She hears from researcher Thomas Curran about a worrying growth in perfectionism in society, and asks "recovering perfectionist" Jordana Confino how to tackle the nagging voice in your head telling you to always push yourself and work harder.  </p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Implement ‘No-Immediate-Response’ Rule

When receiving a new request or opportunity, commit to waiting at least two hours before responding to prevent impulsive, fear-driven agreements. Use this timeout to reflect on your motivations and potential trade-offs.

2. Assess Motivation for Commitments

Before agreeing to new tasks, ask yourself: ‘Why do I want to do this?’ and ‘Is my desire driven by my values or by fear?’ This helps identify if your ‘yes’ is rooted in genuine interest or perfectionist people-pleasing.

3. Evaluate ‘Yes’ Trade-Offs

For every potential ‘yes’ to a new task, consider its cost on loved ones and what other important things you might be saying ’no’ to. This helps recognize the social opportunity cost of overcommitment.

4. Practice Self-Compassionate Thoughts

Consistently practice replacing vicious self-critical thoughts with compassionate ones, even if they initially feel forced or phony. Over time, due to neuroplasticity, these new thoughts will strengthen and become instinctive.

5. Connect with Your Younger Self

To cultivate self-compassion, picture a younger, free-spirited version of yourself and talk to that version with unconditional love and support, believing in their inherent worth regardless of mistakes.

6. Rebut Inner Critic Compassionately

Actively write down rebuttals to your negative inner critiques in a journal, but do so with a compassionate voice, treating your inner critic like a well-intentioned but misguided friend.

7. Visualize Your Inner Critic

Create a visual representation of your inner critic (e.g., drawing it as a ’little green goblin’ with an ‘annoying voice’). This helps detach from self-critical thoughts and separate from them.

8. Keep a Thought Journal

Maintain a simple journal to record the self-critical thoughts and phrases that go through your head. This practice helps you recognize these patterns and decide how to respond to them.

9. Prioritize Happiness-Boosting Work

Make a conscious effort to say yes only to projects and tasks that genuinely align with your values and improve your happiness. This leads to more fulfilling work and a more joyful life.