← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

How to Feel More Empathy (With the Host of Bad Women: The Ripper Retold)

Nov 2, 2021 37m 58s 18 insights
<p>When bad things happen to people - illness, accident or crime - our brains fool us into believing the victims must have done something to deserve their fate. This deep-seated bias is wrong though - and we should try to show more empathy for our own wellbeing.</p><p>Dr Laurie Santos talks to historian Hallie Rubenhold about her research into the lives of the women killed by Jack the Ripper in Victorian London - and why even today people aren't more sympathetic towards them.</p><p>Subscribe to Hallie's podcast <a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/show/bad-women/">Bad Women: The Ripper Retold</a> wherever you got your shows.</p><p> </p> Learn more about your ad-choices at <a href="https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com">https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com</a><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Attribute Behavior to Situations

When observing others’ behavior, especially actions you might morally condemn, consider the situational factors rather than immediately attributing it to their personality traits or moral failings.

2. Reserve Judgment, Examine Factors

Instead of immediately asking “what did they do to deserve this?” when a bad thing happens to someone, step back, reserve judgment, and actively listen to and examine the other contributing factors.

3. Connect to Pain for Happiness

Embrace connecting with and empathizing with other people’s pain, as this can lead to increased social connection, acts of helping, and ultimately, a path to your own well-being and happiness.

4. Practice Perspective-Getting

Enhance empathy by actively engaging in “perspective getting,” which means directly asking people about their stories and circumstances to hear their experiences firsthand.

5. Reframe Others’ Hostility

When encountering hostility or meanness, reframe the situation by considering if the person might be “hurt” or struggling, which can instantly shift your emotional perspective and activate compassion.

6. Process Criticism with Empathy

When facing attacks or criticism, especially in public life, try to process it with empathy by recognizing that people’s anger often stems from their own issues and may have little to do with you personally.

7. Build Compassion Muscles

View compassion as a skill that can be developed through practice, which includes actively thinking through others’ struggles and intentionally wishing well and extending compassion even to critics or difficult people.

8. Practice Loving Kindness Meditation

Engage in loving kindness meditation by extending wishes of happiness, well-being, safety, and joy first to loved ones, then to strangers, and finally to difficult people, to build compassion and reduce compassion fatigue.

9. Practice RAIN Meditation

Utilize the RAIN meditation practice (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) to process negative emotions by acknowledging them, letting them be, exploring their physical sensations, and then engaging in self-nurturing activities.

10. Regulate Negative Emotions

Develop strategies to regulate negative emotions like sadness, anger, and frustration, especially when confronting the world’s injustices, as these feelings can be overwhelming and lead to burnout.

11. Understand Circumstances for Empathy

When analyzing human struggles or telling human stories, strive to understand the specific circumstances that led to events, as this allows for empathy while maintaining impartiality.

12. Study Social History

Engage with social history to understand the granular details of past human experiences, as it helps unpick present-day habits and belief systems, fostering empathy and informing what to keep or discard.

13. Boost Empathy with History

Engage with historical stories, especially those of people in circumstances very different from your own, as a powerful way to practice and boost your empathy for people in the modern world.

14. Focus on Victims’ Stories

When examining cases, especially true crime, shift focus from the perpetrator’s story to the victims’ stories to gain a more complete and empathetic understanding.

15. Connect to Human Experience

Actively seek to connect with and understand diverse human experiences, as this is fundamental to understanding ourselves and fosters a sense of shared humanity.

16. Practice Perspective-Taking

To promote empathy, consciously take time to work at seeing situations from other people’s perspectives and understanding their specific circumstances.

17. Connect with Homeless Individuals

When encountering homeless individuals, go beyond just giving money by taking a moment to speak with them, asking how their day is going, to foster a deeper human connection and empathy.

18. Foster Empathy Through Interaction

Recognize that natural empathic urges are stronger in face-to-face interactions; therefore, engage in direct personal interactions to cultivate and strengthen your empathy towards others.