Accept your current reality, including difficult situations, as the starting point for design and growth. Design only works in reality, not in idealized or imagined circumstances, and choosing acceptance has an amazing upside.
Align who you are, what you believe, and what you’re doing by using tools like the ‘compass exercise’ (writing essays on your current story, work view, and life view). Coherence makes your life make sense, increases meaning-making, and helps you act authentically.
Start your day with an affirmation like ‘I live in the best of all possible worlds’ and consciously choose to engage with everything you do. This mindset of choosing into your experience is a primary way to find and sustain a state of flow.
Actively seek and engage in communities where the intention is mutual becoming and helping each other grow into more authentic selves. The autonomous self is a ’toxic lie’; human consciousness is deeply interconnected, and community helps you hear yourself and become your fuller self.
Shift from searching for a single, ultimate passion or purpose to finding the next sufficiently interesting path to live into. This debunks the dysfunctional belief of needing to find ’the’ one thing and embraces an evolving self.
Adopt a mindset that expects to find something wonderful in every experience, even if it seems boring initially. This positive expectation (using confirmation bias as a friend) increases your chances of actually finding wonderfulness.
Recognize that meaning comes from more than just making a big impact; diversify your ‘meaning basket’ with other ‘food groups’ like wonder and flow. Relying solely on ‘impact’ for meaning puts you at risk of disappointment and overlooks other forms of fulfillment.
Instead of seeking more external things (hobbies, bigger goals), focus on getting more aliveness and meaning from your current life. Life is about getting more out of it, not cramming more into it.
Shift your perspective from ‘it’s still not what I really want’ to ’that was lovely and more is to come’ when experiencing finite moments of joy. This transforms your relationship with finitude and helps you appreciate small, particular moments of meaning.
Cultivate a natural curiosity about the world and how to improve things, starting with a sense of wonder. This helps you adopt a designer’s mindset and make things better.
Open yourself up and be receptive to the experiences the world offers, as that is where interesting things happen. Being available allows you to encounter opportunities and growth.
Be fully engaged and intentional in your actions, but give yourself grace and detach from specific outcomes. Good decisions don’t guarantee desired outcomes, and this mindset reduces stress.
Actively narrate and share your experiences and aspirations with others. Telling your story helps create the experience of the world you desire.
Identify and challenge beliefs that are unhelpful or untrue, even if widely held. This removes obstacles that guide lives in unhelpful ways and is a crucial first step in life design.
When gathering with others, prepare and ask ‘formative’ or ‘becoming’ questions (e.g., ‘What have you become this year?’) instead of shallow or transactional ones. Better questions foster deeper, more meaningful conversations and help form formative communities.
Intentionally drop into and fully experience pleasant moments for a few seconds, such as a favorite song or a sip of coffee. This helps you deeply appreciate and extract more meaning from everyday experiences.
Consciously tell yourself ‘switch’ to shift from a transactional mindset to a flow mindset, noticing present sensory details or interactions. This is an easy way to transition into the ‘flow world’ and become more present.
Actively notice and appreciate the small, everyday details and interactions around you, like a blooming bush or a friendly barista. Little things are packed with meaning, and savoring them changes your brain wiring to look for more meaning.
When faced with mundane or even annoying tasks, choose to fully engage with them, finding interest or wonder in the details. This prevents boredom from stealing your brain and allows you to experience ‘simple flow’ in everyday activities.
Look for opportunities to connect with others in small ways, such as talking to someone on the train or at a coffee shop. Connection, love, and community are key to finding meaning and getting unstuck.
Don’t set a ridiculously high bar for experiences; try things even if there’s only a small chance (e.g., 20%) that they might be interesting. This prevents you from shutting yourself out of potentially valuable experiences due to fear or preconceived notions.
Take a longer, deeper look into almost anything to make wondrousness available to you. This helps you see the world with fresh eyes, like a child.
Adopt the mental model that life is an improv, something you make up as you go along. Learning ‘improv skills’ can help you live life more fully and get better at navigating its uncertainties.
When facing impending loss, focus entirely on enjoying the present time with your loved one, rather than preparing for future grief. Preparing for grief is futile and steals energy from the present; the future can be figured out later.
Intentionally create moments and experiences, like making a grandmother’s recipe, that connect you to something bigger than yourself. This helps you find deeper meaning and self-transcendence.
Regularly reflect and catch yourself in moments when your actions, beliefs, and identity were aligned. This tool helps you recognize when your life is working well and reinforces meaning-making.
Recognize and engage with your body’s intelligence, intuition, and kinesthetic understanding of the world. This allows you to access a fuller range of human experience, including intuition and curiosity, beyond just intellectual thought.
Actively seek out and use tools and techniques to understand what you truly want. This step helps you gain clarity on personal goals and direction after debunking dysfunctional beliefs.
Form groups with the explicit intention of helping each other become better selves, even if you don’t agree on everything. This shared intention for personal growth enables effective collaboration despite differences and fosters meaningful community.
Be prepared to share your own vulnerable story or experience when trying to initiate deep conversations. This encourages others to open up and engage in more meaningful interactions.