← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

How Talking to a Friend Helps (Live at The International Festival of Arts and Ideas)

Jul 19, 2024 48m 42s 7 insights
<p>Making shows about her own happiness challenges was both fun and instructive for Dr Laurie, but it also took guts to be so vulnerable and open. She later spoke to her close friend at Yale Dr Tamar Gendler about the experience. This private chat threw up lots of interesting insights, so when the duo were asked to speak at the 2024 International Festival of Arts and Ideas... they decided to share parts of that private conversation with the public.  </p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Reframe Stress as Enhancing

Change your perception of stress from debilitating to enhancing by recognizing that stress hormones provide energy and focus. This cognitive reframing can improve performance, reduce chronic stress, and foster a more resilient mindset.

2. Combat Perfectionism with Friend’s Voice

To fight perfectionism and your inner critic, imagine what a trusted friend would say about your situation or achievements. This helps you give yourself grace and offers a wise, curious perspective rather than a harsh, demanding one.

3. Prioritize Deep Work, Not Pseudo-Productivity

Avoid the trap of “pseudo-productivity” by not equating visible activity (like answering emails or Slack messages) with true accomplishment. Instead, prioritize deep work on fundamental projects that contribute to meaningful outcomes, preventing small tasks from consuming your schedule.

4. Embrace Finitude for Greater Appreciation

Acknowledge and embrace the finite nature of time and life to increase appreciation for experiences and motivate action. Recognizing temporal scarcity encourages you to prioritize and engage in activities that truly matter, leading to greater happiness.

5. Balance Present & Future Self

To ensure fairness between your present and future selves regarding costs and benefits, establish rituals, habits, and routines. This helps distribute resources and experiences across time, preventing either self from being neglected.

6. Cultivate Habits by Acting

To develop habits for long-term value, such as healthy eating or character virtues, act as if you already possess the desired trait or engage in the desired behavior. This “fake it till you make it” approach helps make the actions natural and part of who you are.

7. Visualize Future Self for Choices

Use aging filters or similar visualization techniques to vividly see an older version of yourself. This can help you make better long-term choices, such as saving more for retirement or adopting healthier habits, by making your future self feel more present and real.