Model self-compassion out loud when you make mistakes, speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding rather than self-criticism, to teach your children to develop their own self-compassionate inner voice.
Apologize to your children when you make a mistake, explaining what happened and why you’re sorry, to model vulnerability, foster trust, and create a healing experience for both parent and child.
Engage in deep self-reflection about your own childhood environment and how you were parented, using your current parenting experiences as an opportunity to heal past wounds and ‘reparent’ yourself.
View children as seeds with inherent potential, rather than clay to be molded; your role as a parent is to provide fertile soil (a supportive environment) for their natural growth, not to prune or shape them into your image.
Shift your parenting focus from creating dependence (‘Mom’s got me’) to fostering self-reliance (‘You’ve got you’), aiming for children to feel capable and okay on their own, even in your absence.
When praising children, shift from saying ‘I’m proud of you’ to ‘I’m happy for you’ to center the child’s experience and foster intrinsic motivation, rather than making their worth dependent on your approval.
Become aware of your own repetitive negative behaviors and, even if you can’t stop them immediately, point out these ‘gaps’ to your children, explaining they are your unhelpful coping mechanisms, so your children don’t adopt your ‘dirty lens.’
Teach children to embrace ‘disappointing’ others (including parents and authority figures) as a necessary step to ‘reappointing’ themselves as the decision-makers of their own lives and creating the life they truly want.
Model self-care and personal growth (like attending therapy) for your children, as your actions demonstrate the importance of working on oneself and navigating life’s challenges with self-compassion.
Reframe self-care and personal growth as an investment in your children’s future well-being, giving yourself permission to prioritize these efforts, knowing they will model self-compassion for future generations.
During difficult times, externalize wisdom by writing down or collecting ‘short bursts of wisdom’ and ‘moments that were anchoring and grounding’ from yourself or others, creating a ’treasure chest’ to revisit when personal wisdom feels lost.
Analyze and challenge outdated scripts about how you ‘should’ be living—narratives often written by parents in childhood—as these can prevent you from becoming the person you truly want to be.
Identify parts of your personality that were amplified (to please others) and muted (to avoid discomfort) during childhood, then consciously work to explore and amplify the muted parts to become a more complete person.
If you struggle with self-compassion and self-love, consider seeking therapy, as therapists can provide helpful guidance and practices to cultivate these essential qualities.
Abandon the pursuit of perfect parenting and instead model humanness and vulnerability, as striving for perfection is harmful and showing your authentic self is beneficial for your child.