Implement the TEAM framework for parenting, focusing on Togetherness, Encouragement, Autonomy, and Minimal Intervention to build cooperative relationships and trust with children.
Shift your mindset from viewing children as delicate bonsais that need constant curation and control to wildflowers that need space to develop naturally.
If you recognize that you are over-parenting, be motivated to change your approach to avoid potential harm to your children’s well-being and your own happiness.
Engage in family activities and simply coexist with children, including them in daily life rather than solely focusing on entertaining them, to foster a sense of togetherness.
Include children in daily household chores and cooperative activities, allowing them to witness and participate in the work adults do, rather than shielding them from it.
Encourage children to participate and behave rather than forcing them, using punishments, bribes, or yelling, which are less effective and more stressful.
Guide children by asking questions that prompt them to think about consequences or appropriate behavior (e.g., “Do you think your brother likes that?”), empowering them to figure things out themselves.
Demonstrate desired behaviors for children rather than constantly telling them what to do, as children primarily learn by watching and imitation.
When involving children in chores, prioritize cooperation and their contribution over getting tasks done perfectly or quickly, allowing them to do things “their way” initially.
Allow children to explore and make their own choices, as constantly stepping in and pushing them into a mold takes away their autonomy and sense of control.
Avoid displaying fear or anxiety when your child is trying new things, as children often mirror their parents’ facial expressions and emotions, which can make them feel terrified.
Do not base your expectations of parenting on idealized social media portrayals or the belief that you will instinctually know how to parent, as reality often differs and can lead to disappointment and struggle.
When seeking parenting advice, critically evaluate resources, as many popular methods (e.g., sleep training books from the 1800s) may not be evidence-based or scientifically sound.
Do not get angry during a child’s tantrum, as this can make the tantrum worse and lead to feelings of dread and failure for the parent.
Do not engage in helicopter parenting (hovering) or lawnmower parenting (removing all obstacles), as these approaches can inadvertently harm children’s psychological development.
Avoid creating overly complex schedules and feeling the need to provide constant stimulation for children, as this can lead to parental time famine, reduced well-being, and higher stress.
Refrain from constantly quizzing children, pushing them to learn as fast as possible, and engaging in excessive talking or arguments, as this creates overwhelm and anxiety for both parent and child.
Do not constantly entertain children or make them the sole focus of your world, as this can inadvertently teach them that their purpose is to be served, leading to entitlement.
Be cautious of extending safety measures (like bike helmets) to extreme, unnecessary situations (e.g., toddlers in driveways), as this can foster an over-controlling mindset.
Resist the urge to constantly arrange and hover over children’s play dates, allowing them to find their own friends and navigate social interactions independently.
Do not over-shield children from negative feelings, the pain of failure, or coming in second place, as this can hinder their development and resilience.
Refrain from constantly praising every single action a child takes, as this can be a characteristic of the self-esteem movement that may not be beneficial.
Question the intense pressure to push children for academic wins, selective college admissions, and extensive extracurriculars from an early age, as this “achievement culture” can be detrimental.
Avoid basing your own self-esteem on your children’s achievements, as this can turn children into “trophies” and create unhealthy pressure.
Be aware that the day-to-day duties of modern parenting can reduce parental happiness and contribute to higher rates of depression and anxiety in children, despite increased parental effort.
Understand that the time famine and busyness associated with over-parenting can be a risk factor for early health problems like hypertension in adolescents.
Apply the principles of cooperation and non-bossiness learned in parenting to adult relationships, such as with a spouse, to improve overall family dynamics and personal happiness.
Shift focus from individual achievements and fighting for what you want to learning how to cooperate and work together on shared goals, as this can lead to greater personal happiness.