Give gifts that involve co-experiencing something together, like reading a book simultaneously and discussing it weekly, to foster social connection and shared joy, especially when physical distance is a factor.
Give experiences that can be enjoyed in the future (e.g., tickets to a show or a restaurant reservation) to spread out holiday cheer, allowing recipients to anticipate and then experience the joy separately, extending happiness.
Offer time-saving services (e.g., babysitting, gift wrapping, or completing a dreaded task) as gifts, as recipients often feel guilty buying these for themselves, and receiving them as a gift removes that guilt, allowing them to experience the joy.
Write a thoughtful card or letter with your gift, as it allows you to express appreciation for the recipient, which they value, and can be more rewarding than the physical gift itself, especially when online gift notes have character limits.
Ask recipients directly what they want for a gift and listen to their answer, as this ensures they receive something they truly like and reduces the difficulty of guessing, even if it feels unromantic.
Subtly ask people about recent fun experiences or things they enjoy, then use that information to choose a thoughtful gift, rather than relying solely on your own assumptions about their preferences.
Recognize that choosing gifts is difficult and givers often try their best; practice forgiveness if a gift is not ideal, as this can significantly enhance the giver’s experience and protect the relationship.
As a recipient, make the giver feel great by showing them how you actually use their gift, especially money or experiences, to validate their effort and boost their sense of competency and joy.
As a potential recipient, drop clear hints about what you like or might like to help loved ones choose good gifts and unburden them from guessing or having to ask directly.
Express positive gratitude to givers for their gifts, as this boosts well-being for both parties and ensures that appreciation doesn’t get lost in the holiday rush.
For children, implement a rule where they must stop and write a gratitude letter for a present before opening another or playing with the new toy, which ensures thank-you cards get done and encourages reflection.
Create a ‘compliment calendar’ for loved ones by writing a series of daily compliments or things you appreciate about them, rolling them up, and having them open one each day to extend positive feelings and share unspoken appreciation.
For families with fraught dynamics, practice ‘silent compliments’ by thinking something nice about a person without verbalizing it, as simply knowing someone is thinking positively about you can feel surprisingly good.
When choosing gifts, focus on what you have in common with the recipient, as this can help you make a better choice and reduce the ’egocentric gap’ in understanding their preferences.
When unsure what to give, consider gifts that foster quality social relationships, especially during challenging times, such as creating a space for safe social contact.
Actively embrace the good feeling that comes from doing nice things for others, as the act of giving itself creates positive value for the giver.
Prioritize what the recipient will actually like and appreciate in a gift, rather than solely focusing on the thought or effort you put into it, which the recipient cannot see.
If you can’t be with your recipient when they open their gift, try to connect via Zoom or video call to see their reaction, as witnessing their positive impact promotes the joy of giving for you.
Consider giving money as a gift to grant recipients the autonomy to use it on whatever would make them happiest, especially when you are unsure of their specific preferences.
As a giver of money, follow up with the recipient to see how they spent it and if they enjoyed it, to get an extra well-being boost from noticing their positive experience.