← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Get Over Yourself

Jan 13, 2025 43m 6s 14 insights
<p dir="ltr">As children we think we're at the center of the world - but as adults we need to learn to see the perspectives and problems of other people. It helps us connect with those people, but also makes us realise that our own problems aren't unique or especially awful. In short, to be happy you need to know ... How to Get Over Yourself.&nbsp;</p> <p dir="ltr">Dr Laurie hears how to stop being egocentric and start being allocentric from&nbsp;Bruce Hood - a professor at the University of Bristol and the author of&nbsp;<em><a href="https://rowman.com/ISBN/9798881803575/The-Science-of-Happiness-Seven-Lessons-for-Living-Well">The Science of Happiness: Seven Lessons for Living Well.&nbsp;</a></em></p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Less Egocentric View

Actively work to become less self-centered and more connected with others, as relinquishing egocentricity is a fundamental path to sustained happiness and effective social integration into society.

2. Enrich Others’ Lives Selflessly

Redirect your effort and energy towards helping, volunteering, donating, and listening to others without expecting anything in return, as this generates a more authentic, sustained sense of happiness and joy than immediate self-gratification.

3. Keep a Reflective Journal

Maintain a journal, ideally with pen and paper, to process thoughts and problems in detail, making them more objective. Regularly reviewing past entries provides tangible evidence that difficult situations pass and offers valuable perspective.

4. Adopt an Optimistic Attributional Style

Reframe setbacks by viewing problems as transitory and specific, rather than permanent and pervasive, and avoid excessive personal blame. Actively challenge negative self-talk by acting as your own defense lawyer, focusing on the ‘silver lining’.

5. Practice and Express Gratitude

Cultivate gratitude to recognize your fortunate situation and acknowledge the help received from others. Express this gratitude directly to people, such as through a letter or in daily communications, to foster positive bonds and a less egocentric view.

6. Use Third-Person Self-Talk for Perspective

When facing worries or celebrating triumphs, discuss them using your name or third-person pronouns (e.g., ‘Laurie is worried’), as this linguistic shift can create distance, attenuate negative feelings, and provide a more objective viewpoint.

7. Join In-Person Social Groups

Actively seek out and join clubs, choirs, sports teams, or supporters groups to foster real-life social connections. Being physically present at events and part of a collective experience creates automatic feelings of allocentrism, purpose, and connection, combating loneliness.

8. Practice Meditation for Attentional Control

Engage in meditation, such as mindfulness, to train your attention away from internal dialogue and towards physical sensations or a mantra. Consistent practice helps develop a habit of not defaulting to negative rumination and teaches you to accept thoughts without over-emphasizing them.

9. Engage in Flow-Inducing Hobbies

Pursue hobbies and activities that are just challenging enough to absorb your attention completely, leading to ‘flow’ states where you lose your sense of self and time. Examples include writing, metal detecting, or any task that demands focused engagement.

10. Cultivate Awe and Broad Perspective

Seek experiences that inspire awe, such as contemplating the vastness of the universe or humanity’s long history, to gain perspective on your own insignificance. Ask ‘why’ questions about the world to become more mindful and connected to the larger human story.

11. Redefine Self-Care Beyond Gratification

Understand that genuine self-care involves kindness to oneself but avoid equating it with immediate gratification like retail therapy. Instead, focus on actions that provide sustained, authentic happiness, often found in enriching the lives of others.

12. Actively Avoid Echo Chambers

Consciously step outside of ’echo chambers’ by seeking out and following different viewpoints, especially on social media, to ensure a broadened perspective and prevent siloed thinking.

13. Create Routines and Structure

Establish routines and structure in your daily life, as this provides stability and prevents feelings of spiraling out of control, contributing to a sense of well-being.

14. Consider Psychedelics for Depression (Clinical)

For individuals with intractable depression unresponsive to other treatments, explore psychedelics under strict clinical advice, as they can induce profound ego dissolution and lasting benefits. However, seek expert guidance due to potential negative effects for certain personality types.