← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Finding Holiday Happiness (Dr Laurie on the How God Works podcast)

Dec 16, 2024 38m 31s 19 insights
<p dir="ltr">The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy. But all too often, the darker, colder days of winter, and even the stress of preparing for the holidays themselves, can lead people to feel something else: rushed, stressed, lonely, or even hopeless. How can you make sure this year is bright?</p> <p dir="ltr">Dr Laurie joins Dave DeSteno on his show <a href="https://www.howgodworks.org/">How God Works: The Science Behind Spirituality</a>&nbsp;to unpack the psychological secrets of celebrations from Christmas, to Hanukkah, to Yule, and more. They&rsquo;ll also discuss how we can put that wisdom into practice, whatever our beliefs, to make this season a happier and healthier one for all.</p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Engage in Pro-Social Giving

Actively engage in giving to others, either by donating money to charity or volunteering time, as this is a scientifically proven fast way to increase personal happiness.

2. Overcome Under-Sociality Bias

Recognize and overcome the tendency to underestimate how good acts of kindness (like compliments or small gifts) feel for both the giver and receiver, then act on this understanding to boost happiness for all.

3. Prioritize Experiences Over Gifts

Focus on giving gifts of experiences (e.g., gift cards for activities or courses) or the experience of your presence, as these contribute more to happiness than material possessions.

4. Combat the Arrival Fallacy

Avoid the ‘I’ll be happy when…’ mindset by consciously savoring the present journey and moments, rather than constantly fast-forwarding to a predicted perfect future event.

5. Cultivate Daily Gratitude

Practice daily gratitude by writing down three to five things you are grateful for in a journal, which is a simple yet effective way to increase overall happiness.

6. Manage Holiday Expectations

Adjust your expectations for the holiday season to be realistic rather than expecting it to be ’the most wonderful time of the year,’ which can lead to feelings of stress, sadness, or inadequacy if things aren’t perfect.

7. Practice Small Acts of Service

Perform easy acts of service for others, such as texting a friend, giving a compliment, or expressing gratitude, to boost overall happiness without requiring a major project.

8. Ask for Help

Don’t hesitate to ask for help, especially for easy tasks, as it allows others to feel competent and helpful, boosting their happiness and fostering a sense of connection.

9. Harness Pro-Social Savoring

Frame savoring as a gift to others by being fully present and engaged in shared experiences, even when personally frustrated, to create positive memories and connections.

10. Be a Good Gift Receiver

Practice being a good gift receiver by verbally and specifically expressing gratitude for gifts, detailing why the item is helpful or appreciated, rather than just a generic ’thank you.’

11. Express Gratitude Later

Extend gratitude beyond the initial gift-opening by thanking people later when you are actually using their gift, reinforcing the relationship and fighting hedonic adaptation.

12. Appreciate Intention Behind Gifts

Shift focus from the material object of a gift to the intention, effort, and care of the giver, appreciating the relatedness and connection it represents.

13. Reset Perfectionist Expectations

Give yourself permission to be imperfect and aim for ‘85-89%’ completion, especially during busy times like the holidays, to reduce overwhelm and foster social connection.

14. Embrace Scruffy Hospitality

Practice ‘scruffy hospitality’ by allowing imperfections in hosting (e.g., unfinished cookies, a messy house) to create a more comfortable and vulnerable atmosphere for guests, encouraging social connection.

15. Seek Awe-Inspiring Experiences

Actively seek out awe-inspiring experiences, such as art, music, nature, moral actions, or collective effervescence, as these foster social connection and positive emotions.

16. Practice Mindful Breathing with Flames

Use the visual of a candle flame or fire to practice mindful breathing, allowing your breath to entrain to the slow movement of the flame, which activates the parasympathetic nervous system for relaxation.

17. Develop a Delight Practice

Combat negativity bias by developing a ‘delight practice’ where you actively look for and share delightful things you encounter, ideally with others, to train your attention towards positive experiences.

18. Create Personal, Meaningful Rituals

Invent and embrace your own personal, even ‘dumb’ or absurd, rituals and traditions, especially if existing ones are frustrating, as these can create new meaning, connection, and positive feelings.

19. Savor Gift Opening with Rituals

Create rituals for gift opening, such as opening one present at a time or expressing gratitude between gifts, to encourage savoring, especially for children.