← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Don't Make Friends Where You Make Your Money?

Nov 6, 2023 33m 36s 23 insights
<p>Work and friendship don't mix, thought Katherine Hu. A recent graduate, she found it harder to form bonds with colleagues than she'd expected. But then she concluded that not having friends at work helps you set boundaries and remain professional. After all, work is fundamentally a financial transaction, right?</p> <p>Well, we spend many of our waking hours at work - and the science suggests that if we decide not to use that time making meaningful friendships then our health and wellbeing could suffer.  </p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Belonging at Work

Focus on cultivating a sense of belonging at work, including feeling cared for, understanding your impact on colleagues, and having an office best friend, as these factors are more critical for job happiness than salary.

2. Invest in Warm Social Connections

Actively invest in and maintain warm social connections with others, as these relationships are strongly linked to better physical health, lower stress, and protection against stress-related illnesses.

3. Consistently Nurture Adult Friendships

Develop an ongoing practice of actively nurturing your relationships, as adult friendships require consistent effort and attention to prevent them from withering away from neglect.

4. Cultivate a Work Best Friend

Strive to cultivate at least one ‘best friend’ at work—someone you can discuss personal life matters with—as this significantly boosts job performance, engagement, and retention.

5. Leverage Work Hours for Connection

Actively utilize your work hours to build social connections and companionship, recognizing this as a primary opportunity to meet your social needs and combat loneliness.

6. Practice Appropriate Vulnerability

Engage in appropriate vulnerability by revealing aspects of yourself, sharing opinions, asking for help, or briefly sharing personal highlights to foster trust and intimacy in work relationships.

7. Use Relationships to Regulate Stress

Actively engage with close relationships to discuss daily stressors, as this practice helps your body calm down and regulates stress hormones, preventing prolonged fight-or-flight states.

8. Vulnerability with Boundaries

Approach potential work friendships with a degree of vulnerability to test for chemistry, while simultaneously protecting yourself by not oversharing until you feel ready and trust has been established.

9. Embrace Discomfort for Social Growth

Recognize that building social health, like physical health, requires effort and moving through initial discomfort, nervousness, or fear of rejection to achieve deeper connections.

10. Integrate Social Life at Work

Actively seek and foster interpersonal connections within your workplace, recognizing the significant amount of time spent there and the benefits of integrating social life into that environment.

11. Practice Positivity in Interactions

Ensure your interactions leave others feeling better, which can involve empathy, validation, forgiveness, setting boundaries, or expressing needs, to foster positive emotional exchanges in relationships.

12. Leverage Consistent Work Interactions

Take advantage of the consistent daily interactions provided by your job to build a shared history and trust, transforming casual acquaintances into deeper friendships.

13. Establish Clear Work-Life Boundaries

Create and maintain strong boundaries between work and personal life, particularly in remote settings where work can easily encroach upon your home and personal time.

14. Prioritize Loved Ones Over Work

Avoid sacrificing your well-being and time with loved ones for work, as those who prioritize relationships over relentless achievement often express less regret in old age.

15. Question Happiness Assumptions

Question your mind’s default assumptions about what will make you happy, as they might be incorrect and lead you away from true happiness.

16. Work as Part of Life

Adopt a mindset where work is seen as an important but not all-encompassing part of your life, understanding its transactional nature and not letting it solely define your self-worth.

17. Foster Healthy Workplace Relationships

Focus on fostering genuinely healthy relationships in the workplace by teaching and inspiring positive interactions, as this approach actually reduces drama and unhealthy behaviors.

18. Seek Diverse Social Environments

Actively seek out environments that expose you to people you might not naturally gravitate towards, as this can help you discover new parts of yourself and foster unexpected connections.

19. Collaborate to Solve Problems

Actively involve colleagues to help you navigate difficulties and solve problems, as this collaborative approach strengthens both your work outcomes and your personal resilience.

20. Engage Diverse Colleagues for Creativity

Interact with co-workers from different areas of your workplace to gain new perspectives, as these diverse interactions can spark new ideas and enhance your own creativity.

21. Seek Emotional Nurturing at Work

Foster emotional connections at work to receive nurturing and support, which helps reduce depletion from work stress and ensures you have more energy for your personal life at home.

22. Prioritize Joyful Activities with Friends

Actively schedule and engage in joyful activities with friends, as this can create memorable positive experiences and foster connection.

23. Focus on Remote Work Quality

Leverage remote work environments to focus primarily on the quality of your output, reducing concerns about physical appearance or constant performance of a certain persona.