← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

"Birds Are Like My Afternoon Martini" (Birding with Lili Taylor)

Jun 30, 2025 32m 15s 34 insights
<p>Lili Taylor loves her acting career - but the emotional intensity of her work and the constant travel can take its toll. But Lili has found a way to relax and unwind - watching birds.&nbsp;</p> <p>As Lili explains in her new book <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/743576/turning-to-birds-by-lili-taylor/"><em>Turning to Birds:&nbsp;The Power and Beauty of Noticing</em></a> - if we stop to listen to birdsong or pause to watch their busy daily lives - we give ourselves a break from our own stresses.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <hr /> <p>Get ad-free episodes to The Happiness Lab by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or <a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/join-pushkin">Pushkin.fm</a>. Pushkin+ subscribers can access ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, exclusive binges, and bonus content for all Pushkin shows.&nbsp;</p> <p>Subscribe on Apple: <a href="http://apple.co/pushkin">apple.co/pushkin</a><br />Subscribe on Pushkin:&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pushkin.fm/join-pushkin">pushkin.fm/plus</a></p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Take Sabbatical for Burnout

If you are feeling depleted, exhausted, and uninspired by your work, consider taking a sabbatical to create a quiet space for healing and reconnecting with yourself.

2. Engage in Atelic Activities

Regularly engage in activities that are not reward-driven (atelic), such as listening to music or birdwatching, purely for enjoyment, as they help manage stress and bring purpose and meaning.

3. Prioritize Experiencing Awe

Actively seek out and prioritize experiences of awe, even in mundane places, as it can evoke deep emotions, make you feel connected, and ultimately improve well-being.

4. Practice Mindfulness by Noticing

To ground yourself in the present moment and manage stress, intentionally and actively notice new details about your environment.

5. Find External Focus for Mindfulness

If traditional meditation makes internal thoughts ’louder,’ find an external activity, like birdwatching, that allows you to focus on something outside yourself and connect to something greater, serving as an alternative form of mindfulness.

6. Practice “Listening as a Verb”

Instead of vaguely trying to ‘be present,’ actively practice ’listening as a verb’ by fully taking in and being open to what others are saying or what is happening around you, which can be a more concrete way to feel grounded.

7. Cultivate Self-Compassion in Practice

When practicing skills like listening or mindfulness, be compassionate with yourself, recognizing that perfect execution is unrealistic, and view it as a skill that improves with practice rather than a pass/fail endeavor.

8. Gently Re-engage When Distracted

When you find yourself ‘falling out of the moment’ or getting distracted, gently guide yourself back to the present task or observation (e.g., ‘Just look at the bird’) rather than self-criticizing, as this is a more constructive approach.

9. Separate from Character After Work

After merging with a difficult character all day, consciously leave the character behind at the end of the day and return to your own identity to transition back to yourself after emotionally draining work.

10. Use Birds for Emotional Transition

After an emotionally draining day, sit and watch birds to relax and transition back to your true self, similar to how an ‘afternoon martini’ was used in the past to leave the job.

11. Create Bird Habitats in New Places

To make a strange or foreign place feel like home and less overwhelming, set up bird feeders, birdhouses, and water trays to attract birds, creating a sense of connection and making the environment feel friendlier.

12. Connect with Local Birds as Guides

When in a new place, observe local birds as they can act as guides, providing a sense of connection to the environment and helping you understand the local ecosystems and geography.

13. Learn Environment Through Local Birds

Get to know the birds in a new location to understand the environment better, which can make a lonely place feel friendlier and more meaningful by revealing hidden habitats and natural features.

14. Seek Quiet to Notice Details

When feeling burned out, intentionally quiet your surroundings to create space to notice subtle details and sounds you might have previously overlooked, leading to deeper insights and connections.

15. Practice “Reaching Towards” Attention

View attention as ‘reaching towards’ something, actively engaging with it, rather than a passive state, to foster deeper observation and connection.

16. Observe Nature to Spark Curiosity

Watch and observe natural elements like birds to generate questions and lead to further exploration, fostering a sense of wonder and engagement.

17. Embrace Receptivity to Emotions

When faced with frightening or overwhelming emotions, ‘plant your feet’ and allow yourself to be open and receptive to them, understanding that they can wash over you without causing lasting harm.

18. Use Savoring as Presence Barometer

Actively ask yourself ‘Am I savoring right now?’ to slow down and check if you are truly present and appreciating the moment, especially if you tend to move fast to avoid internal feelings.

19. Emulate Birds’ Forward Momentum

Observe birds’ continuous forward movement and apply this mindset to your internal state, striving to move forward in your mind rather than stagnating or resenting.

20. Draw Inspiration from Birds’ Resilience

When facing obstacles, observe the resilience of migrating birds who keep moving forward despite challenges, and use their example to inspire yourself to ‘keep going’ and avoid fretting.

21. Surrender, Start with Small Steps

When feeling overwhelmed or defeated in a task, surrender the need for immediate success and break it down into small, manageable steps, such as identifying immediate surroundings to re-orient yourself.

22. Maintain Open, Loose Focus

When searching or observing, maintain an open, loose, and focused mindset, allowing for flexibility and preventing ‘myopia’ (tunnel vision) to increase receptivity to new discoveries.

23. Extend Observation Beyond Discovery

Once you’ve achieved an initial goal or discovery, resist the urge to immediately disengage; instead, extend your observation to learn more deeply about what you’ve found.

24. Recognize Fleeting Nature of Emotions

Understand that both positive and negative experiences and emotions are fleeting, which can help you soften into discomfort and appreciate good moments more fully.

25. Pursue Activities Without Goals

Choose activities, like birding, that allow you to enjoy them purely for their own sake without needing a goal, results, or external rewards, to counteract a results-driven mindset.

26. Appreciate Beauty Without Reason

Allow yourself to appreciate things purely for their beauty without feeling the need to justify it with a reason or purpose.

27. Prioritize Social Connection

Recognize that social connection is a key ingredient for happiness and actively seek opportunities to connect with others.

28. Create Community Through Nature

Foster social connections by creating inviting spaces for nature (e.g., bird feeders) in shared environments, as this can naturally bring people together and facilitate shared moments of appreciation.

29. Begin Birding by Observing

To start birdwatching, simply step outside, observe your neighborhood, stay in one spot for a few minutes, and if you hear or see something, try to follow it for a few extra minutes, pushing past the initial urge to stop.

30. Observe Birds from Your Window

Regularly look out your window to observe the birds in your immediate vicinity, treating them like neighbors to get to know them better.

31. Install a Bird Feeder

If you enjoy initial bird observations, put out a bird feeder to attract more birds to your space and encourage repeated sightings.

32. Use the Merlin App

Download and use the Merlin app (Shazam for birds) to identify bird calls and songs, which can reveal the rich bird life around you and enhance your listening skills.

33. Actively Use Senses to Locate

After using an app like Merlin to identify a bird sound, actively use your senses (sight, hearing) to locate the bird in the trees or environment, engaging more deeply with your surroundings.

34. Invest in Birding Tools

If you develop a passion for birding, acquire a pair of binoculars and a Sibley guide to enhance your ability to identify birds and learn about their behavior.