Actively seek to broaden, deepen, and improve the quality of your social connections. This is a centerpiece for a happy life, impacting both mental and physical health, as loneliness has severe negative health effects comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Recognize that your intuition often mispredicts how much you’ll enjoy social interactions; even when you feel like isolating, push yourself to engage with others a little more (e.g., 15% more). Research shows social connection almost always feels better than expected, providing a happiness benefit.
Aim for adequate sleep, recognizing that your mind might tell you you can function on less (e.g., 5 hours), but research shows this is not true and significantly impacts well-being. Lack of sleep severely impacts mental and physical health, even if you feel you’ve ’trained yourself’ to cope.
When in survival mode or experiencing negative emotions, remember you’re not failing or screwing up, as these feelings are normative and shared by many. This strategy fosters self-compassion and prevents self-blame during difficult times.
Practice RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) to process negative emotions instead of suppressing them. Recognize the feeling, allow it to be present, investigate its physical sensations, and nurture yourself with kindness or a pleasant sensory experience.
Designate specific times (e.g., once a week or daily, but not before sleep) to intentionally worry or think through problems. This allows you to feel free during non-worry times and ensures you address anxieties constructively when scheduled.
When ruminating or being self-critical, refer to yourself in the third person (e.g., ‘Laurie, you’re going through a tough time’) or second person. This creates psychological distance, making your brain perceive it as wise counsel from a friend, reducing the pain of overthinking.
If distanced self-talk isn’t enough, ask yourself ‘What would [wise person/role model] do?’ (e.g., Batman, Beyonce, your mom). This further helps to get out of self-focused rumination by adopting an external, wise perspective.
Engage in strategies that boost your individual happiness and positive mood. Happier individuals are more likely to engage in ‘feel good, do good’ behaviors, taking action on societal problems rather than being disengaged.
When grieving, intentionally engage your five senses, especially through nature, to find moments of transcendence, awe, and tiny pleasures (e.g., taste of coffee, feel of a hot shower). This provides solace and comfort, offering respite from pain without denying the grief.
Recognize there’s no single ‘right way’ to happiness; experiment with different strategies, considering your unique nature, interests, and values. Your personal experience is the most important data point for what truly works for you.
Understand that your brain often gives you wrong intuitions about what will make you happier (e.g., preferring solitude over social connection). Recognizing these misconceptions allows you to tweak behavior and discover more effective paths to happiness.