Replace your inner drill sergeant with a supportive inner coach through self-compassion, which research shows makes you more effective, better able to reach goals, and establish habits.
Practice a three-step self-compassion break: 1) Be mindful of the present difficult moment, 2) Recognize that you are not alone in your struggle, and 3) Direct kindness towards yourself by talking to yourself like a good friend, optionally placing a hand on your heart.
Share your worries with others, as quality relationships are crucial for a long, healthy, and happy life by mitigating stress.
Actively maintain and cultivate personal relationships, as this practice of ’never worrying alone’ is a crucial element for mitigating anxiety and panic attacks.
Actively transition online connections to in-real-life interactions, as direct social contact is more beneficial than purely virtual engagement.
Join any group (e.g., birdwatching, book club, volunteer group) to consistently see people, which is crucial for forming and deepening relationships.
If feeling lonely, volunteer to connect with others, which reminds you of your self-worth and is inherently ennobling.
Make it a practice to check in on friends and family, and be open about sharing your own feelings, as this strengthens relationships and combats loneliness.
Seek out small, minor social exchanges, like talking to a sales clerk or complimenting a passerby, as these micro-interactions can provide real boosts in happiness.
Consciously work to re-establish and practice small social connections, especially after periods of isolation, as it can feel effortful initially.
Recognize and push past the initial friction or awkwardness (the ‘speed bump’) that can make in-person social interactions feel difficult, especially after adjusting to less social engagement.
To begin mindfulness meditation: 1) Find a comfortable, quiet position and close your eyes, 2) Focus attention on a neutral, sense-based anchor (e.g., breath, body sensations, sounds), and 3) When distracted, simply notice the distraction and gently return your attention to the anchor, repeating this ‘beginning again’ as the core practice.
Begin a mindfulness or meditation practice with small, gentle insertions into your day, remembering that ‘one minute counts’ and ‘daily-ish’ consistency is more important than long, infrequent sessions.
Place hands on your belly, take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, and a slow, deep breath out through your mouth a couple of times to feel calm.
Make a deliberate effort to engage with your five senses, actively noticing sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures around you, as this bodily connection is energizing and revitalizing.
Engage in a game of noticing specific colors (e.g., blue things) in your environment, as this practice helps you feel more connected to the world and people around you.
Engage in physical exercise, such as walking (especially outside in sunshine), hula hooping, or walking stairs, to reduce jumpy anxiety, improve mood, enhance sleep, and boost overall well-being.
Incorporate physical activity like dance parties, hula hooping, or going outside to get grounded and release endorphins, which helps manage stress.
Engage in local action, such as volunteering or helping friends and family, as ‘action absorbs anxiety’ and the ‘do good, feel good’ effect is a free, non-addictive anti-anxiety medication.
Develop a personal practice of engaging with and enduring tiny negative emotions or moments of distress, building your ‘distress tolerance muscles’ so you are better prepared for larger challenges.
Systematically expose yourself to discomfort or things that scare you in carefully calibrated experiments (exposure therapy) to inoculate yourself against stress and increase your tolerance for distress.
For everyday worries (not trauma), dive into negative emotions with curiosity, asking ‘it’s okay to feel whatever I’m feeling right now,’ and use mental ‘microscopes’ to observe their constituent parts and transient nature, allowing you to respond wisely instead of reacting blindly.
When experiencing negative emotions (e.g., envy, regret, anger), step back and ask ‘What’s the information here?’ to understand what needs to change or what is out of alignment, rather than powering through them.
Use the ‘I Notice, I Feel, I Can’ strategy: 1) Notice physical sensations in your body, 2) Name the emotion associated with those sensations, and 3) Identify an action you can take to manage that emotion (e.g., belly breathing).
Treat negative emotions like a car’s dashboard warning lights; acknowledge them, but understand you don’t always have to address them immediately, but do schedule time to return and figure them out.
Visualize emotions like waves that rise to a peak and then eventually phase out, understanding their transient nature helps in managing them.
Allocate a specific time slot (e.g., 3-3:30 PM) for worrying, using a pen and paper to contain negative thoughts and prevent them from consuming your entire day.
When engaging in scheduled worry time, use a pen and paper to transform rumination into expressive writing or journaling, shifting into a problem-solving mode rather than a repetitive negative loop.
Pay close attention to screen time to avoid falling into rabbit holes of traumatic or negative content, which can lead to feeling awful after extended exposure.
Regularly audit the amount of time spent on devices and social media, as technology can create a false sense of connection, leading to actual social isolation.
To reduce smartphone usage, change your phone’s display settings to grayscale (black, white, and gray), which makes it harder to navigate and less enticing, thus easier to step away from.
Before mindlessly reaching for your phone, pause and ask yourself, ‘What do I need right now? Why am I doing this?’ to identify underlying needs (e.g., boredom, loneliness) and make a more intentional decision about your time.
When on your phone, ask ‘What else could I be doing right now?’ to become aware of the opportunity cost and choose more meaningful activities.
To reduce social media use, replace your most-used social platform app with an e-reader on your home screen and move the social app deeper into your phone, creating friction to access it.
If struggling with smartphone addiction, consider using a basic phone for emergencies during personal hours and reserving a smartphone only for business hours, allowing you to put it away while remaining reachable.
View moments when you fall off track with practices like meditation as opportunities to notice increased mental toxicity, using this awareness to fuel intrinsic motivation to return to the practice.
When engaging in positive self-talk, use your own name (e.g., ‘Gretchen, you can do this’) to create helpful psychological distance and enhance the effect.
Take showers or baths to ground yourself by focusing on sensory input like water, and visualize negativity and worries literally going down the drain.
Work on your own happiness and well-being, as this is not selfish but rather enables you to be more capable and willing to help others and engage with global problems.
Understand that happiness is a skill, not a fixed state, and can be practiced through various methods like meditation, nature, sleep, exercise, and social connection; start by picking one or two attractive methods.
When feeling hopeless, actively look for ’the helpers’ around you (e.g., those doing small acts of kindness) and also strive to become a helper yourself, as doing good for others can significantly improve mental well-being.
Cultivate a quick sense of gratitude for the good things and blessings in life, as this practice can serve as a valuable tip for improving mental health.
Take a walk outside in the sunshine, pet a dog, pick up trash, or talk to a neighbor, as these simple actions are accessible and can easily improve mental health.
Take a quiz (e.g., GretchenRubin.com/quiz) to identify your most neglected and most appreciated senses, which can help you consciously engage with them to tie you to the present moment.