← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

A Silver Lining

Oct 1, 2019 40m 53s 8 insights
<p>Ice skater Michelle Kwan was all set to win Olympic Gold... but in a major sporting upset she came second. Sharing her story with Dr Laurie Santos, Michelle lets us in on a key secret to achieving happiness when you're tempted to feel like a loser.  </p><p>For an even deeper dive into the research we talk about in the show visit <a href="https://www.happinesslab.fm/">happinesslab.fm</a></p><p> </p> Learn more about your ad-choices at <a href="https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com">https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com</a><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Choose Better Reference Points

Actively choose better reference points by comparing yourself to those who are worse off or to the possibility of not having achieved anything, rather than constantly comparing upwards to the ‘best’ or to what you narrowly missed, to improve your well-being and potentially live longer.

2. Practice Negative Visualization

Engage in negative visualization by wondering what things would be like if good events in your life never happened or if things had turned out worse, which can foster gratitude and make you happier with your current reality.

3. Reframe Achievements Positively

Reframe achievements, especially those that are second place or perceived as less than ideal, as a win rather than a failure to achieve first, to sustain happiness and avoid negative emotions.

4. Focus on Internal Motivation

Cultivate internal motivation and passion for your activities, rather than being driven by comparison to or competition with others, to find greater satisfaction and avoid envy.

5. Embrace the Journey

Find happiness and fulfillment in the process and daily efforts (the journey), rather than solely focusing on the end goal or destination, as sustained happiness comes from the pursuit of things.

6. Beware Social Media Bias

Be mindful that social media presents a biased sample of upward comparisons, as people rarely post lonely or miserable moments, which can accentuate the tendency to feel inadequate or envious.

7. Balance Satisfaction & Drive

Acknowledge the inherent tension between constant satisfaction (often from downward comparisons) and productivity (often from upward comparisons), and strive to find a balance that allows for both well-being and drive.

8. Practice Good Sportsmanship

Practice good sportsmanship by graciously acknowledging the success of others and accepting outcomes, understanding that ‘you win some, you lose some’ is a reality of the world.