← The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

A Matter of Life and Death

Jul 15, 2024 32m 37s 20 insights
<p>Dr Laurie HATES thinking about her own death. It's scary, creepy and morbid, right? Wrong. Thinking about our finite lives can makes us better, happier people.  The shadow of death makes us behave more kindly towards others, and can motivate us both to enjoy the little joys of life and seek out greater fulfilment in our careers and in our relationships. </p> <p>But you need to look death square in the face - and that's not easy for a thanatophobe like Dr Laurie. To help her, she enlists psychologist Jodi Wellman (author of <em>You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets</em>) and death doula Alua Arthur (author of  <em>Briefly Perfectly Human: Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real About the End</em>).</p><p>See <a href="https://omnystudio.com/listener">omnystudio.com/listener</a> for privacy information.</p>
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace All Life Experiences

Embrace all experiences, including tough emotions like sadness, anxiety, and fear, rather than pushing them away, as they are part of what it means to be human and to love life fully.

2. Confront Life’s Shortness

Face up to the shortness of life to ensure you live your short life well, as avoiding mortality can be detrimental to happiness and living fully.

3. Take Action for Change

Don’t wait for miraculous changes; actively do something to move from an uninspiring situation to one that inspires you, rather than expecting things to happen.

4. Practice Memento Mori

Intentionally think about your mortality, a practice known as memento mori, to serve as a subtle reminder of your temporary existence and motivate living well.

5. Calculate Remaining Mondays

Calculate your remaining Mondays by subtracting your current age from the average life expectancy and multiplying by 52, to create a finite sense of time and prompt reflection.

6. Prompt Action with Mortality

Use the unsettling feeling from mortality awareness as a catalyst to take desired actions, ensuring you make the best use of your limited time.

7. Act Despite Doubts

Overcome doubts and take action on important plans (like a business plan or screenplay) by recognizing that life is short and there’s nothing to lose by trying.

8. Schedule Valued Activities

Actively schedule activities and time with people and places that light you up, especially after realizing the finite nature of your remaining time.

9. Refine Social Time

Be discerning about who you spend your time with, prioritizing those who enliven you and opting to spend less or no time with those who de-energize you.

10. Help Others More

Help others more often, as this practice, often prompted by brushes with mortality, is a proven way to improve your overall well-being.

11. Imagine Comforting Unknowns

When faced with uncertainty, especially about death, choose to imagine scenarios that bring comfort and make you feel good, rather than flooding it with dread and fear.

12. Apply Adaptability to Death

Recognize your inherent mastery at navigating life’s unknowns and apply this same adaptive perspective to the process of dying, trusting your psychological immune system.

13. Reframe Tough Days

Reframe tough days and difficult feelings as simply part of the human experience, which can provide support and grace during challenging times.

14. Go on a “Death Safari”

Take a walk and intentionally notice all the signs of dying and impermanence in your environment, like wilting flowers or rotting fruit, to foster a sense of awe and connectedness.

15. Observe Aging in Mirror

Spend time looking at your aging body in the mirror, observing changes without judgment, but rather with awe and curiosity, to acknowledge the temporary nature of your physical form.

16. Affirm Mortality in Mirror

Look yourself in the eyes in a mirror and repeat “I am going to die” two or three times, taking deep breaths between repetitions, as a brave dose of death awareness.

17. Use a Mortality Reminder

Acquire and use a physical item, such as a coin, ring, or ceramic skull, as a constant, subtle reminder of your mortality.

18. Execute Dreams and Plans

Avoid reaching the end of life with unexecuted dreams, hopes, and plans by actively pursuing them now.

19. Attend a Death Cafe

Attend a death cafe, a community gathering where strangers discuss their mortality candidly over tea and cake, to openly talk about death and gain new perspectives.

20. Listen to Solved Podcast

Listen to “Solved with Mark Manson” wherever you get podcasts or visit solvedpodcast.com to understand the science behind human behavior and get practical insights on big questions like happiness and procrastination.