View your abilities as something that can be grown, which fosters a looser, more empowered approach to experiences, making you more willing to experiment, open to feedback, and ultimately more confident and successful, especially when facing challenges.
Approach your challenges and mistakes with self-compassion, treating yourself like a good coach would, acknowledging errors without self-beratement. This helps you stay in a learning mindset and empowers you to take more risks and grow.
Become aware of your internal self-talk and the stories you tell yourself, especially when striving for perfection, and recognize the emotional and productivity costs these thoughts inflict.
Approach personal and professional growth by integrating small, daily experiments into your existing life, trying different things, being open to feedback, and pivoting as needed. This allows you to pick up and put down growth efforts as needed and be experimental in achieving your goals.
To foster growth, act like an ‘inner scientist’ by trying out two or three new behaviors or approaches related to your goal, and then observe what happens.
Dedicate time to reflect on your experiences, asking structured questions about what happened, your role, your feelings, and what triggered your reactions, as learning truly comes from reflecting on experience, not just having it.
Recognize and manage emotions like defensiveness, anxiety, shame, or embarrassment, as they can hinder your ability to hear feedback, learn from experiences, and be brave enough to experiment.
Overcome the ‘feedback fallacy’ by asking for feedback in a tailored way (e.g., ‘I’m working on X, how am I doing?’) or by asking for advice (e.g., ‘I need some advice’). This makes a positive impression and yields more usable information.
When you find yourself in a performance-proof mindset, use the word ‘yet’ (e.g., ‘I’m not good at this yet’) to mentally shift towards a learning mindset, acknowledging that abilities can be developed over time.
To become more effective and creative, shift your ultimate objective from being self-centered (‘it’s all about me’) to focusing on what you want others to gain or walk away with (‘it’s all about them’).
Determine your motivation for growth by recognizing either ‘pain of the present’ (something causing you or others pain) or ‘fantasies of the future’ (a desired future self or role model to emulate).
Instead of adding new programs, integrate growth efforts into your existing daily experiences by adding a ‘second thread’ of awareness focused on what you can learn or improve about yourself in that situation.
When faced with unexpected or challenging situations, re-story the narrative you tell yourself in your head to a more positive or neutral one, especially when the truth is unknown, to prevent unhelpful emotions and improve performance.
Make a conscious effort to savor and appreciate things that went well and your successes, as this practice empowers you, increases hope for the future, and builds self-confidence.
To overcome forgetting, create specific ‘if-then’ plans or visible reminders (like changing a contact name to your goal) that link a cue to the desired action, making you much more likely to follow through on your growth experiments.
Implement efficient reflection methods such as asking structured questions after team activities, daily journaling for 20 minutes, or engaging in a reciprocal questioning routine with a friend to process experiences and foster self-understanding.
Actively seek feedback from a variety of people, especially those from different backgrounds, to gain a broader and more comprehensive understanding of how your actions are perceived.
Use the ‘Assumptions, Perceptions, Feelings’ (APF) framework to understand interpersonal interactions: recognize how your assumptions drive your perceptions, which then lead to your feelings. Use strong feelings as a signal to re-evaluate your underlying assumptions and perceptions.
Engage in structured feedback exercises, like ‘flowers and onions’ (giving one positive and one constructive piece of feedback), to develop skills in both providing and receiving critical interpersonal insights.
Be more present and aware in your daily experiences, focusing on how you show up and where you want to grow, as learning from experience depends on your active engagement and reflection within it.
For aspiring leaders, recognize that a key transition to great leadership involves shifting your focus from self-centered goals (‘it’s all about me’) to prioritizing the needs and development of those you lead (‘it’s all about them’).
View yourself as the primary ‘instrument’ through which you lead, and commit to paying attention to and understanding yourself (your emotions, assumptions, behaviors) to become a more effective leader.
Understand that fear and anxiety are common reasons people avoid growth and experimentation, as growth involves risks to ego and relationships. Acknowledge this fear to begin addressing it.
When things don’t go well, ask yourself questions like ‘What possibilities were there that I wasn’t seeing?’ to shift into a growth mindset and foster openness.