Develop a supportive inner attitude and ‘have your own back’ because research shows this makes individuals more resilient, effective, happier, and nicer.
When reflecting on past mistakes, cultivate wise remorse by acknowledging the error and learning from it, rather than indulging in self-absorbed guilt, which hinders your ability to be present for others and make amends.
Understand that thoughts are not inherently reality and you don’t have to believe them; instead, observe your thoughts, assess their accuracy and usefulness, and consciously choose to release or replace unhelpful ones.
Acknowledge that life’s difficulties are unavoidable, but consciously choose to avoid the ‘second arrows’ of self-blame and shame, as well as the ’third arrows’ of denial and distraction, to better cope with suffering.
Adopt self-compassion as a practical strategy to change your behavior, recognizing that internal negativity will manifest externally when you are ‘squeezed’ by life, and self-compassion can alter this output.
Consciously observe and acknowledge when you are suffering or struggling, instead of immediately seeking distraction, as this initial awareness is fundamental to practicing self-compassion.
Respond to your own suffering with kindness, acceptance, and understanding, similar to how you would treat a good friend, and ask yourself ‘What do I need right now?’ to seriously address your needs.
When facing difficulties, shift from self-judgment to curiosity by asking ‘What’s going on? What’s happening? What do I need?’ This practice demonstrates self-acceptance and a willingness to understand your experience.
Engage in kind self-talk, treating yourself gently and practicing this ’new language’ of kindness, similar to learning a new skill, to foster self-compassion and make it more accessible during challenges.
Regularly engage in formal self-compassion practices, such as meditation, during calm periods to build the neural pathways that enable you to access compassionate responses automatically during stressful or crisis moments.
Foster self-compassion by seeking connection with loving, accepting individuals or by grounding yourself in the present moment through sensory experiences to break free from overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
Engage in self-compassion to cultivate calmness, achieve greater clarity about situations, enhance creative problem-solving, and build confidence in your ability to navigate challenges and mistakes.
Consciously choose to focus on only one task at a time, as this practice not only increases skill and productivity but also dramatically reduces stress, serving as an act of self-compassion.
Practice self-kindness by setting clear boundaries and saying ’no’ to requests, even if it feels difficult, and remind yourself that setting limits is a common human challenge.
Try physical acts of self-compassion, like placing a hand on your chest or consciously relaxing tense shoulders, to find what bodily gestures help you acknowledge emotions and offer yourself comfort.
Employ acronyms like SNAFU to normalize chaotic situations and KISS to remember to start self-compassion practices with simple, small steps, making complex concepts accessible in the moment.
Limit time spent in unproductive thinking and on social media to avoid constant comparison with others. Prioritize genuine relationships and challenge the societal expectation of constant happiness, understanding that life is difficult and emotions are not always controllable.
Instead of labeling someone as a ‘shitty human,’ consider them as someone lacking the information, support, and resources to do better, which opens up a more constructive conversation about how to help.
Be aware that humor, while a coping mechanism, can sometimes be ‘serrated’ or used to create distance, so practice mindful application to ensure it doesn’t cause unnecessary roughness or prevent dealing with issues.
Challenge the belief that perfect parenting guarantees easy children and positive outcomes, accepting the lack of guarantees in life to reduce anxiety and the constant search for external solutions.
Actively seek out real, in-person community connections with other parents to find support and shared understanding during the terrifying and overwhelming moments of parenting, as social media often falls short in this regard.
Engage in mindfulness by being present with your children, which reduces future-oriented anxiety and stress, making parenting more enjoyable and less annoying.
In moments of conflict or when children make mistakes, respond with connection, curiosity to understand their actions, and kindness, fostering learning and better future behavior rather than just imposing punishment.
Employ a firm ‘daddy/mommy voice’ or sharp tone sparingly when children push limits or for immediate impact, but ensure it does not become the dominant communication dynamic in the relationship.