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Why Your Brain Turns The Miraculous Into The Mundane—And How To Fix It | Maria Popova

Aug 19, 2024 1h 12m 28 insights
<p><em>New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.</em></p> <p><em>---</em></p> <p>Smart and practical strategies for living, in Maria's words, wonder-smitten by reality.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>Maria Popova thinks and writes about our search for meaning — sometimes through science and philosophy, sometimes through poetry and children's books, always through the lens of wonder. She is the creator of <a href="https://themarginalian.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Marginalian</em></a> (born in 2006 under the name <em>Brain Pickings</em>), which is included in the Library of Congress permanent digital archive of culturally valuable materials, author of <em>Figuring,</em> and maker of the live show <a href="https://mailchi.mp/themarginalian/uiv-book-launch?e=d28e51e148" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Universe in Verse</em></a> — a charitable celebration of the wonder of reality through stories of science winged with poetry, <a href="https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/05/01/the-universe-in-verse-book/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">which is now also a book</a>.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p>In this episode we talk about:</p> <p><br /></p> <ul> <li>Wonder as a tool for improving all of your relationships</li> <li>The tyranny of the word should</li> <li>How the hardest thing in life is not getting what you want, it's knowing what you want</li> <li>Why she doesn't believe in making meditation a tool, even though she's been practicing for 14 years</li> <li>The illusion of certainty</li> <li>The immense value of intellectual humility</li> <li>Strategies for outgrowing your old habits</li> <li>Her new book, <em>The Universe in Verse</em>, which is a combination of science and poetry</li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>From The Marginalian:</strong> <a href="https://www.themarginalian.org/2023/04/09/george-saunders-uncertainty/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>How to Love the World More: George Saunders on the Courage of Uncertainty</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Related Episodes:</strong></p> <ul> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/bill-hader" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Bill Hader on Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, and Leaning Intro Discomfort</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/anniemurphypaul" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Science Of Getting Out Of Your Head | Annie Murphy Paul</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/george-saunders-511#:~:text=%23511.-,George%20Saunders%20on%3A%20%E2%80%9CHoly%20Befuddlement%E2%80%9D%20and%20How%20to,Be%20Less%20of%20a%20%E2%80%9CTurd%E2%80%9D&amp;text=One%20of%20the%20great%20perils,he%20calls%20%E2%80%9Choly%20befuddlement.%E2%80%9D" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">George Saunders on: "Holy Befuddlement" and How to Be Less of a "Turd"</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/george-saunders-332" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">The Profound Upside of Self-Diminishment | George Saunders</a></li> <li><a href="https://art19.com/shows/4695c3c0-9a34-436f-a807-ea4787d273ab/episodes/77465396-4fbb-43ca-97fc-7b76675fb433" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">A Radical Approach to Productivity, Self-Compassion Series | Jocelyn K. Glei</a></li> </ul> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Sign up for Dan's weekly newsletter</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3QtGRqJ" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>here</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Follow Dan on social:</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Instagram</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>TikTok</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Ten Percent Happier online</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/46TZglY" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>bookstore</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Subscribe to our</strong> <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>YouTube Channel</strong></a></p> <p><strong>Our favorite playlists on:</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3Qa8kMT" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Anxiety</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3MjtMxF" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Sleep</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QvyA5J" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Relationships</strong></a><strong>,</strong> <a href="https://spoti.fi/3QxZASc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Most Popular Episodes</strong></a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/maria-popova-818" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://happierapp.com/podcast/tph/maria-popova-818</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Awe & Wonder

Actively resist the deadening effect of habit and routine by cultivating awe and wonder in your life. This practice can lead to improved mood, reduced stress and anxiety, increased creativity, open-mindedness, immune function, and cardiovascular health.

2. Reduce Judgment for Wonder

Minimize judgment of reality, yourself, situations, and other people, as wonder cannot coexist with judgment. A significant portion of suffering stems from judgment and resistance to reality.

3. Practice Outwardness Through Wonder

Engage in a constant practice of outwardness by focusing on things larger than yourself, which is the essence of wonder. This helps combat self-involved states like depression and shifts mental focus externally.

4. Meet Reality on Its Terms

Strive to meet reality on its own terms, without suffering over how you wish things were different or succumbing to ’the tyranny of should.’ This approach, exemplified by science, leaves no room for opinion or resistance to elemental truths.

5. Train Attention for Meaning

Consecrate and train your capacity to pay attention, as wonder is essentially a training of attention. This focused attention serves as a portal to experiencing meaning in life.

6. Balance Wonder & Judgment in Relationships

Calibrate your relationships by ensuring a healthy ratio between wonder and judgment, favoring wonder. An imbalance, particularly too much judgment, can lead to self-delusions and prevent the experience of real love.

7. See Others as Wonders

Cultivate the purest form of love by seeing another person as a wonder in themselves, rather than as a means to meet your needs or fulfill desires. This clarifies the relationship and honors the individual.

8. Practice Tenderness When Wonder Fails

When wonder is difficult, such as during annoyances in relationships, practice tenderness towards your own feelings and the situation. This prevents using temporary frustrations as evidence that a relationship is fundamentally flawed.

9. Engage in Daily Meditation

Maintain a daily meditation practice to begin the day with openness and awareness, without viewing it as a self-improvement tool. This practice fosters an expansion of being and a deepening of the inner self.

10. Contemplate in Nature & Motion

Spend time outdoors, particularly walking, to clear your head, anneal thoughts, and create contemplative space. Motion can help discharge kinetic energy, allowing for better focus and deeper thinking.

11. Decouple Meditation Benefits from Purpose

Decouple the legitimate practical benefits of meditation from the idea that those benefits are its sole purpose. Approaching meditation with a fixed purpose can detract from the pure gift of being and its inherent expansion.

12. Work with Agendas in Meditation

Acknowledge and work with your inherent agendas and desires in meditation, rather than trying to eliminate them immediately. This gradual approach, like giving the mind ’enough data,’ can lead to non-transactionality and letting go.

13. Remind Yourself: Not About Me

Regularly remind yourself that other people’s behaviors, choices, and attitudes are often not about you. This practice helps to check the human impulse towards certainty and reduces self-referential thinking, which can cause problems.

14. Tolerate Discomfort for Humility

Practice tolerating discomfort, as learned in meditation, to counter the illusion of certainty. Life is profoundly uncertain, and this practice helps manage the discomfort of not knowing outcomes.

15. Read Widely for Empathy

Read widely, especially fiction, to cultivate empathy and challenge your own certainties. This exposes you to infinitely many kinds of lives, offering perspective and showing that your pain is not unique.

16. Practice Non-Attachment to Results

Make plans but practice non-attachment to the outcomes, remaining willing to change course. This aligns with the ‘middle path’ and helps manage the fear-driven need for certainty about the future.

17. Cultivate Spontaneity, Reduce Planning

Cultivate spontaneity and reduce over-planning in your daily life to discover what you genuinely want. Over-planning can preempt genuine desires by imposing ‘shoulds,’ making it difficult to know your true wants.

18. Use Meditation to Hear Wants

Utilize meditation to quiet the ’tyranny of shoulds’ and more effectively hear what your body and mind truly want. This practice aids in the difficult task of discerning genuine desires from external expectations.

19. Do Fewer Things, Excellently

Focus on doing fewer things but making them excellent, rather than attempting many tasks quickly. This approach, as advised by Joseph Goldstein, encourages deeper engagement and higher quality in your endeavors.

20. Expect Worthwhile Endeavors Take Time

Manage your expectations by understanding that anything truly worthwhile is likely to take a long time. This perspective encourages patience and sustained effort over quick results.

21. Be Vigilant Against Compulsion

Develop vigilance towards anything that feels like a compulsion, using it as a litmus test for potentially unhealthy behaviors. Even seemingly productive actions can be driven by an unhealthy internal compulsion.

22. Actively Choose & Magnify Joy

Actively choose and magnify joy, wonder, and curiosity in your life, consciously doing less of everything else. This preempts the ’tyranny of shoulds’ and fosters a more fulfilling and authentic existence.

23. Broaden Your Portals to Joy

Identify and consciously broaden your personal ‘portals to joy,’ revisiting them frequently. This practice helps sustain joy and makes life’s challenges more bearable.

24. Use Meditation for Inner Menu

Utilize meditation to recognize the ‘inner menu’ of thoughts and feelings, consciously choosing to focus on joy and gratitude despite other mental content. This provides agency and freedom in managing the mind’s constant activity.

25. Cultivate Optimism of Willingness

Cultivate optimism not about specific future outcomes, but about your willingness to show up and give your best, regardless of what happens. This offers an empowering and realistic stance in the face of uncertainty.

26. Remain Open to Unimagined Possibilities

Remain open to possibilities that extend beyond the limits of your current imagination for how situations or projects can turn out. This allows for unexpected gifts and creative fertility, even when desired outcomes don’t materialize.

27. Challenge Dismissal of Unknown

Be aware of and challenge the human tendency to dismiss anything you don’t understand or are not literate in. This impulse limits your world and prevents new discoveries and perspectives.

28. Explore Intersections for Wonder

Explore the intersection of different fields, such as poetry and science, to find new perspectives and foster wonder. This approach can provide coherence between the search for truth and the longing for meaning, as wonder is the meeting point of reality with feeling.