Through practices that expand awareness, recognize that you are not your longstanding, recurrent, painful patterns (LERPs), and on a fundamental level, there is no fixed ‘you’ to even have a pattern, offering a wider, less dense perspective.
When experiencing strong emotions, observe them as playing out against a ‘mysterious backdrop of consciousness,’ shifting your perspective from personal identification to a wider, less solid space, which can be profoundly liberating.
During meditation, use the passive voice to describe experiences (e.g., ‘sounds are being known’) and then ask, ‘Known by what?’, to shift your perspective away from a solid ‘you’ and into a wider, unfindable pure consciousness.
To prevent burnout from ’ego-based’ compassion, cultivate a wider field of awareness in meditation, allowing you to rest in a boundless compassion that is always present.
Integrate both cultivated compassion (e.g., Metta practice) and practices that allow you to tap into the inherent, boundless compassion that arises from a wider field of awareness.
To effectively address recurring painful patterns, combine psychological approaches (understanding past events, talking, feeling) with mindfulness (observing the arising and passing of feelings and habitual patterns in the present moment).
When experiencing discomfort, instead of distracting yourself, mindfully turn into the felt sense of your body and feelings, allowing yourself to tolerate them without self-pity, which can significantly calm rumination.
Clearly define your current reality and your desired future, then mindfully hold the ’tragic gap’ between them as a ‘creative tension’ rather than a problem, allowing new insights and next steps to emerge.
Pay attention to your deep, heart-felt longings, as these can serve as a foundational step before setting clear intentions, guiding you towards what truly matters.
Formulate intentions that are not merely practical but feel congruent with your deepest values and contribute to the ‘Bodhicitta star’ – the well-being of all, including yourself.
Ask yourself profound questions like ‘What do I actually care about?’ and then allow the question to germinate in your mind, using meditation to create space for an answer to emerge.
Understand that forgiveness is primarily for your own benefit, releasing the burden of resentment and grudges that become toxic to you, regardless of whether the other person cares or is even aware.
If full forgiveness feels impossible, take a ‘half step’ by consciously holding the intention to forgive, even if it’s for a future time, as this decision can surprisingly facilitate the process.
Extend forgiveness to yourself, especially for situations where you might blame yourself for being in the ‘wrong time, in the wrong place,’ to avoid endless self-blame.
Actively help others, especially those in need, as engaging in service can help you manage your own moods, prevent despair, and reduce self-preoccupation.
Embrace ‘wise-selfishness’ by being compassionate and generous towards others, understanding that helping others is ultimately what will make you happiest.
Counter self-preoccupation and perfectionism by opening your heart and making yourself available to help others, which can reduce focus on personal struggles.
When diligent practice hits a wall, engage in a form of prayer or surrender, opening up to ‘whatever the great mystery is’ without needing to define it, as a movement of letting go of control.
Explore ‘pointing out instructions’ from traditions like Dzogchen Mahamudra to experience glimpses of wider awareness during daily meditation or throughout the day, making profound experiences more accessible.
When triggered, recognize that your disproportionate emotional or physical reactions might stem from a ’longstanding, recurrent, painful pattern’ (LERP) from your past, which can help foster a sense of compassion for yourself rather than getting stuck.
Recognize rumination, where your mind goes in circles with recurring negative thoughts, as a sign that you have been ‘LERPed.’
To recognize a LERP, pay attention to physical sensations like tightness in the chest, a fist in the stomach, rigid jaw, or changes in temperature/energy, as these bodily cues are often the first sign that something is off.
Acknowledge strong emotions that seem ‘a little bit too much’ or persistent moods that linger, as these can be clear indicators that you are experiencing a LERP.
Be aware of trauma-like symptoms such as dissociation, tunnel vision, or over-generalization (e.g., one bad event makes you feel the world is falling apart), as these can indicate a LERP.
If you frequently experience a sense of ‘déjà vu’ with painful situations (e.g., feeling left out, in dire competition), take time to investigate these recurring patterns to avoid becoming a ‘sitting duck’ to your LERPs.
When working with LERPs, the goal isn’t necessarily to become ‘perfectly sparkly’ or unaffected, but rather to recover a lot quicker when they arise.
Cultivate basic mindfulness by noticing thoughts and feelings (e.g., ’thinking,’ ‘anger arising, anger falling away’) as passing phenomena, understanding that everything changes and nothing stays, which can be very relieving.
Practice Metta (loving-kindness) meditation by wishing yourself and others well, safety, and freedom, as this is a very effective way to cultivate compassion.
When considering the origins of LERPs, broaden your understanding of ’trauma’ to include ‘deep hurt to the heart or soul,’ such as not being recognized for who you are, as this can also create painful patterns.
Recognize that painful patterns (LERPs) can originate from a ‘mismatch’ between a child and their environment or parents, where neither party is at fault but the lack of connection creates a chronically alienating experience.
Visit the Mindful Heart Programs website to access a meditation calendar and resources, including popular, no-fee morning meditation sessions that you can join freely without registration.
Download the 10% with Dan Harris app for a 14-day trial to access guided meditations, live Zoom community sessions, and ad-free podcast episodes, aiming to help with stress, anxiety, sleep, focus, and self-compassion.
Record a voice memo with your questions about anxiety and send it to listener@10percent.com for a chance to have them answered on an upcoming special episode.