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Why Buddhism Is Inherently Hopeful (Despite All the Talk of Suffering) | Oren Jay Sofer

Apr 19, 2021 50m 12s 25 insights
Buddhism can get a bad rap as being hopelessly pessimistic -- in no small measure because one of the Buddha's first principal pronouncements was, "Life is suffering." But if you listen to the rest of his spiel, you will hear that the Buddha acknowledges that life can be hard, but then goes on to say that we can make it better. He then spells out a bunch of practical techniques for doing so, which makes Buddhism essentially hopeful. We're now in week two of our two-week series on hope, where we've been positing that hope isn't just some vague, rosy state of mind -- it is, in fact, a skill.  Today's guest is Oren Jay Sofer, a Buddhist teacher who has been meditating for nearly a quarter century. He holds a degree in Comparative Religion from Columbia University and is the author of Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication. Oren's view of hope starts with the Buddhist notion of impermanence. Everything is changing all the time. That doesn't necessarily mean things are always guaranteed to get better. That brand of hope, Oren says, can lead to a sort of grasping that pulls us out of the present and ultimately feeds our suffering. Instead, Oren makes the counter-intuitive argument that in order to hope effectively, we have to detach from results and outcomes. Oren is also lending his expertise to our Hope is a Skill series in the Ten Percent Happier app. If you're already a subscriber, make sure to check out our new meditations to hone your hope skills — including some from Oren. You can find them in the "Hope is a Skill" topic in the Singles tab, or by clicking here: https://10percenthappier.app.link/HopeIsASkill.  And if you're not yet a subscriber and want to check out Oren's new meditations in our app, now is a great time to give it a go. You can download the Ten Percent Happier app here: https://www.tenpercent.com/ (or wherever you get your apps). Once you subscribe, you'll have access to all the great resources in the Hope is a Skill series, as well as tons of content – meditations, talks, full-on courses – all designed to help you wherever you are on your meditation journey. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/oren-jay-sofer-339
Actionable Insights

1. Act with Vision, Release Outcome

Cultivate a clear vision or purpose, then take intelligent, skillful steps in the present moment, acting with integrity while releasing attachment to specific outcomes.

2. Detach from Outcomes

To hope effectively and avoid disappointment, practice detaching from specific results or outcomes, understanding that fixation can lead to suffering.

3. Practice Presence & Let Go

Use meditation to learn to let go of striving for goals and instead relax, settle into, and show up fully for whatever is happening in the present moment.

4. Cultivate Inner Relationship & Self-Friendship

Develop a strong relationship with your inner life, acknowledging feelings and needs, and learn to be your own best friend to feel supported even in solitude.

5. Balance Honoring Difficulties & Uplifting Heart

Practice practical hope by simultaneously acknowledging and processing difficulties while actively working to nourish and uplift your heart.

6. Create Safe Enough Spaces

Prioritize creating personal, social, and collective circumstances where you feel safe enough to reduce hypervigilance and address immediate threats.

7. Address Immediate Harm

If feeling overwhelmed or ‘drowning’ in difficult circumstances, prioritize addressing the most immediate harm and pressing concerns before attempting to navigate towards a better future.

8. Share & Metabolize Difficult Emotions

Do not be alone with terror or other overwhelming emotions; reach out, connect with others, be honest about your feelings, and learn to metabolize them rather than suppressing them.

9. Acknowledge & Collectively Grieve

Create space in your communities and relationships to acknowledge and collectively process grief and mourning for losses, including ecological devastation, as a fundamental human need.

10. Change Your Relationship to Suffering

Acknowledge that hardship and difficulty exist, then focus on changing how you relate to suffering, as this shift can cause aspects of that suffering to cease.

11. Cultivate Awareness as a Companion

Increase awareness through practice, recognizing that as it strengthens, it can become a wise, supportive companion, helping you handle experiences without feeling alone.

12. Broaden Perspective with Awareness

Cultivate awareness to gain a broader perspective on life’s events, recognizing you are conscious within them, which provides inner ground, balance, and perspective.

13. Develop Wholesome Mind States

Actively strengthen wholesome mind states like empathy, kindness, generosity, compassion, and forgiveness through meditation and daily practice.

14. Cultivate Daily Gratitude

Play an active role in shaping your inner atmosphere by practicing daily gratitude, a reliable way to uplift the heart and bring more joy and well-being into your life.

15. Actively Enjoy & ‘Take In The Good’

Seek out and appreciate moments of beauty, pleasure, and nourishment in daily life, ’taking in the good’ for at least 20 seconds to allow your neurology to receive its benefits.

16. Appreciate Simple Pleasures

Consciously notice and appreciate simple, everyday pleasures like clean water, food, shelter, or a friendly smile, recognizing their profound nourishing value.

17. Practice Generosity & Service

Engage in acts of generosity and service, both internally (e.g., loving-kindness meditation) and externally (e.g., reaching out to a struggling friend), to connect with your own goodness and uplift your heart.

18. Own Your Mental & Emotional Well-being

Take responsibility for your mental and emotional well-being by consciously managing how you think, where you place your attention, and the habits of thought and mood you actively pursue.

19. Align Actions with Values

Recognize that while actions have effects and change is possible, you don’t control the outcome; therefore, ensure every choice you make aligns with your values and what you want to bring into the world.

20. Assess Resources & Capacities

Conduct an honest and grounded assessment of your internal capacities and external resources to ensure you can respond effectively to challenges and opportunities.

21. Maintain Inner Ecosystem

Actively maintain your inner ecosystem to cultivate a sense of ‘okayness’ in the present, which provides access to your intelligence, empathy, and energy for effective action.

22. Investigate Awareness & Kindness

Investigate in your own experience whether awareness and kindness (or love/friendliness) are interconnected or inseparable, holding it as an open question rather than seeking to confirm a thesis.

23. Cultivate Curiosity

Foster curiosity and sincere interest in your inner and outer experience, as this approach will actively further your meditation practice and self-understanding.

24. Use Hope Meditations (App)

Access new meditations in the 10% Happier app, including one from Oren, to hone your ‘hope chops’ and cultivate practical hope.

25. Visit Oren’s Website

To learn more about Oren J. Sofer’s work, teaching, and writing, visit his website at oranjsofer.com.