<p dir="ltr">Why even self-help authors can still be messy.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://momastery.com/">Glennon Doyle</a> is the CEO and Founder of Treat Media, an award-winning media company that makes art for humans who want to stay human. She is an author, podcaster, producer, and philanthropist. Her books include the #1 New York Times bestsellers Untamed and Love Warrior; the New York Times bestseller Carry On, Warrior; and Get Untamed: The Journal.</p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p dir="ltr"><a href="https://abbywambach.com/">Abby Wambach</a> is a two-time Olympic gold medalist, FIFA World Cup champion, six-time winner of the U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year award and one of Time's Most Influential People. She is a founder of Treat Media, and the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller Wolfpack and the New York Times bestseller Forward.</p> <p><strong><br /> <br /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">In this episode we talk about:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr">Significant personal struggles that happened simultaneously for Glennon, Abby, and Glennon's sister, Amanda</li> <li dir="ltr">How that led to them writing a book about the fundamental life questions they believe everyone grapples with</li> <li dir="ltr">Why people in the self-help world don't always have their shit together</li> <li dir="ltr">Why trauma leads to dissociation </li> <li dir="ltr">How to "go on" after the experience of grief</li> <li dir="ltr"><em>Why</em> we are the way we are</li> <li dir="ltr">Family roles, attachment theory, and learned behaviors</li> <li dir="ltr">The possibility of personal change</li> <li dir="ltr">Our thoughts on the latest season of the <em>White Lotus</em></li> <li dir="ltr">And much more</li> </ul> <p><strong><br /> <br /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Related Episodes:</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/abby-wambach-on-grief-addiction-and-732?utm_source=publication-search"> Abby Wambach On: Grief, Addiction, And Moving From External To Internal Validation</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.danharris.com/p/glennon-doyle-is-rethinking-her-relationship-762?utm_source=publication-search"> Glennon Doyle is Rethinking Her Relationship to Social Media, Hustle Culture, Intuition, Her Body, and Her Parents</a></li> </ul> <p><strong><br /> <br /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Join Dan's online community <a href="http://www.danharris.com">here</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Follow Dan on social: <a href="https://bit.ly/3tGigG5">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://bit.ly/3FOA84J">TikTok</a></p> <p dir="ltr">Subscribe to our <a href="https://bit.ly/3FybRzD">YouTube Channel</a></p> <p><strong><br /> <br /></strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Additional Resources: </p> <ul> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://treatmedia.com/#the-book">We Can Do Hard Things Book</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://treatmedia.com/#the-podcast">We Can Do Hard Things Podcast</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://treatmedia.com/">Treat Media</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://untamedbook.com/">Untamed</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://abbywambach.com/books/wolfpack/">Wolfpack</a></li> <li dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Intimate-Terrorism-Crisis-Love-Disillusion/dp/0393315320"> Intimate Terrorism by Michael Vincent Miller</a></li> </ul> <p> </p>
Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Self-Awareness
Make an effort to become aware of who you are and why you operate the way you do, as this curiosity is the first step towards potential personal change.
2. Embrace Acceptance of Uncertainty
Cultivate acceptance of what is, acknowledging that you don’t know everything and cannot control the universe, which can lead to a sense of peace and reduce suffering.
3. Identify Your Behavioral Tendencies
Gain a clear sense of your personal behavioral tendencies, as recognizing these patterns makes them more manageable and changeable over time.
4. Step Out of Assigned Family Roles
Embark on a ‘hero’s journey’ to consciously step out of the family roles you were assigned, even though this can be challenging and may disrupt existing family dynamics.
5. Cultivate Self-Love
Actively engage in the process of cultivating self-love by asking yourself why you might struggle with it and exploring what self-love truly means for you.
Practice standing up for yourself in the moment when you feel challenged or teased, as this brave action can foster self-respect and self-love.
7. Practice Equanimity and Letting Go
Find pleasure and peace by relaxing into the flux of life, letting go of the need to frantically control everything, and allowing things to unfold naturally.
8. Practice Presence and Gratitude
Strive to be present in the moment and grateful for your current circumstances, rather than grasping at what others have or pretending to be different.
9. Let Time Give Life Meaning
Cease the active search for esoteric or metaphysical meaning, and instead surrender to the idea that time itself, and being present within it, is what ultimately gives life meaning.
10. Cultivate Positive Relationships
Prioritize and nurture positive relationships with others in your life, as love and connection with those around you can provide profound meaning and support.
11. Externalize Wisdom for Hard Times
During difficult periods, externalize your wisdom and hope by collecting ‘glimmers of wisdom’ or snippets of knowledge, creating a resource you can revisit to remember what you know when you feel disconnected from your own insights.
12. Seek Reminders from Close Ones
When experiencing stress or anxiety and forgetting what you’ve learned, rely on the people closest to you to help remind you of your wisdom and insights.
13. Understand Brain’s Stress Response
Recognize that during stress or anxiety, the brain’s fear center (amygdala) fires, making it difficult for the rational part to function, leading to forgetting learned wisdom.
14. Bravely Ask Hard Questions
Be brave enough to ask yourself difficult questions about your identity and behaviors, understanding that many others share these questions, which can reduce feelings of loneliness.
15. Explain Personal Flaws to Children
Be transparent with your children about your personal flaws and coping mechanisms, explaining the underlying reasons for your behaviors (e.g., fear) so they can interpret your actions without adopting your ’lens.’
16. Encourage Children’s Independent Perspective
Encourage your children to trust their own perspective and ‘clearer lens,’ allowing them to make their own judgments and mistakes, rather than adopting your ingrained biases or fears.
17. Respond to Teasing with ‘Are You Okay?’
When someone is teasing or being judgmental, respond by asking ‘Are you okay? Do you need something right now?’ as this can be a brilliant way to address the underlying insecurity or need.
18. Recognize ‘Chase as Love’ Pattern
Understand that if you were taught that love involves chasing attention or affection, you might be attracted to aloof or challenging partners, mistaking the ‘chase’ for genuine love.
19. Address Insecurity and Worthiness Needs
Recognize that behaviors like immediately trusting and loving everyone might stem from insecurity and a deep need to feel loved and worthy, prompting self-reflection on these underlying motivations.
20. Process Unresolved Grief
Actively work through any unprocessed grief from your past, as new losses can trigger and bring to the surface all previous unaddressed emotional pain.
21. Reassure Partner Before Addressing Grievances
When discussing a grievance with a partner who fears abandonment, preface the conversation with explicit reassurances of love and commitment (e.g., ‘I love you. I’m not going to leave you’) before addressing the issue.
22. Understand Abandonment/Engulfment Fears
Recognize common relationship patterns where one partner fears abandonment and the other fears engulfment, as understanding these dynamics can help navigate intimate relationships.
23. Regularly Seek Reminders for Growth
Understand that personal change is possible but requires regular reminders and reawakening to stay on track, even for those who teach personal growth principles.
24. Attend Live Meditation Mini-Series
Attend a live meditation mini-series focusing on Buddhist practices like loving-kindness meditation, which are designed to cultivate positive emotions and reduce anxiety.