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What You Can Learn About Your Relationships from a Former Neo-Nazi | Shannon Foley Martinez

May 17, 2021 57m 29s 15 insights
We've got a provocative but deeply practical episode today. All of us have people in our lives — whether it be our personal lives, our professional lives, or even just people we see on TV — with whom we disagree. So how can we coexist, or even reach a state of mutual understanding, with these people? It's not an overstatement to say that your personal happiness, as well as the future of the planet, may rest in part in our collective ability to hone these skills.  My guest today has done this work in some of the most extreme ways imaginable. She is a reformed neo-Nazi by the name of Shannon Foley Martinez who now works to deradicalize extremists. She's also a consultant at American University's Polarization and Extremism Research and Innovation Lab. In this conversation, we talk about how she got into the white power movement, how she got out of it, her methods for de-radicalizing people who are still in the movement, how she applies those methods to more mundane conversations across the many lines of differences that run through our society—and how you can, too. Just a quick note - you'll hear some background noise, from a lawnmower and a barking dog— but that's just the reality of recording podcasts in the middle of a pandemic. Also, as you might imagine, we hit on some pretty sensitive material here, including discussions of hate-fueled violence, racism, sexual assault, and homophobia.  We also want to deeply thank and recognize mental health professionals for your support. For a year's FREE access to the app and hundreds of meditations and resources visit: tenpercent.com/mentalhealth Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/shannon-foley-martinez-347
Actionable Insights

1. Prioritize Emotional Learning

Engage in emotional learning by actively naming and identifying your emotions. Practice feeling where these emotions manifest in your body to better understand and interact with them, as this changes how you process them and is crucial for personal well-being.

2. Cultivate Empathy and Connection

Offer empathy, compassion, and love to those in pain, even when their pain is expressed outwardly as rage or hatred. Seek to connect meaningfully with them, as this rehumanizes both the giver and receiver, allowing for the process of healing and disentrenchment from pain.

3. Avoid Dehumanization

Consciously avoid dehumanizing others, whether through extreme hatred or everyday contempt for those with different views. Dehumanizing others causes psychic pain and harms your own humanity, making it difficult to build thriving communities.

4. Break Echo Chambers

Actively seek out and spend time with people who hold different beliefs and ideas than your own. Be vigilant about avoiding and breaking out of any echo chamber, even those that align with your current views, as immersion in diverse perspectives helps dismantle rigid ideologies and prevents radicalization.

5. Approach Disagreements with Humanity

In conversations with people you disagree with, remove the motivation to change their mind. Instead, aim to honor their humanity, see their full story, and find common ground in shared fears and fundamental needs, fostering connection and understanding without diminishing others.

6. Hear Personal Stories

Create space and take time to genuinely hear the personal stories behind people’s beliefs and where they’ve come from. Understanding individual journeys fosters empathy and helps generate functional solutions that are less likely to be harmful.

7. Practice Nonviolent Communication & Boundaries

Learn and practice nonviolent communication skills in all areas of your life (work, family, online interactions). Develop a clear understanding of your personal boundaries and learn how to communicate and enforce them healthily to improve interpersonal relationships and foster healthy interactions.

8. Cultivate Body-Mind Connection for Healing

Engage in activities that fully immerse you in your body, such as yoga, Qigong, or Hapkido. Focus on being anchored in your body, feeling emotions physically, and avoiding dissociation, as this is crucial for healing, especially from trauma, by creating new neural pathways.

9. Be Aware of Emotional Manipulation

Cultivate awareness of how your emotions (fear, anxiety, inadequacy, alienation) are constantly being targeted and manipulated by marketing, media, and political entities. This critical awareness helps you interact with information differently and changes your relationship to what you consume, preventing the exploitation of pain for division.

10. Teach Critical Media Literacy

Teach children (and practice yourself) how to critically analyze marketing and media manipulation of emotions. This helps individuals interact with consumed information in a different way, changing their relationship to it and fostering healthier information input.

11. Foster Collaborative Engagement

Actively engage in spaces that allow for dissent and disagreement, practicing collaborative engagement, co-empowerment, and consensus building in all areas of life. Seek to elevate and amplify diverse or marginalized voices to build genuinely thriving communities and more complex, functional power structures.

12. Leverage Past Trauma for Growth

Use past negative experiences and trauma as a catalyst to actively seek better methods for parenting, personal growth, and cultivating thriving human beings. This transforms personal pain into a drive for positive change and skill development, leading to better outcomes for yourself and others.

13. Provide Tangible Support for Transformation

When helping someone leave a restrictive or harmful environment, provide tangible support and resources (e.g., help with education, housing, practical tasks) rather than just advice. Tangible assistance creates the stability and practical means necessary for individuals to move their lives forward and engage in self-reflection.

14. Empower Families of Radicalized Individuals

If a family member is radicalized, empower their family by helping them identify potential toxicity in their relationship and gain emotional and communication skills. Families are hyper-local and best positioned to assist with de-radicalization when the individual is ready, as direct confrontation with entrenched individuals is often ineffective.

15. Support Hyper-Local De-radicalization

Recognize that effective de-radicalization and disengagement support is best provided at a hyper-local level by people already in an immediate adjacency to individuals’ lives (e.g., social workers, community members). Disengagement happens locally, and familiar support structures are more effective than external interventions in assisting individuals through their process.