← 10% Happier with Dan Harris

What We Can Learn About Happiness from Babies | Alison Gopnik

Jan 31, 2022 1h 6m 12 insights
<p>Dr. Alison Gopnik is a psychologist at UC Berkeley and one of the world's leading experts in cognitive development. She is also the author of several books, including <a href="http://alisongopnik.com/ThePhilosophicalBaby.htm" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Philosophical Baby</em></a> and <a href="http://alisongopnik.com/TheGardenerAndTheCarpenter.htm" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>The Gardener and the Carpenter</em></a>. This episode with Dr. Gopnik explores two big and fascinating themes. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>The first is enlightened self-interest. We all want to be happy. Every sentient being has that in common. One of the most successful, although counterintuitive, strategies for getting happier is to get out of your own head and help other people. Alison argues that caring is a skill that we can all develop, and there are ways to scale it so that we can improve our entire society. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>The second, and related theme, explores what we can all learn about happiness from babies. In this episode Alison discusses: the "learning trap" common to adults that four-year-olds can help us avoid; the potential role of meditation in helping us see the world and solve problems more like children; the difference between our spotlight attention and children's lantern consciousness; the strategy of solving problems by not trying to solve problems; and her critique of our modern conception of parenting, and what she thinks should replace it.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Full Shownotes:</strong> <a href="https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/alison-gopnik-414</a></p> <p><br /></p>
Actionable Insights

1. Develop Caring Through Action

Actively provide care or show interest in others, even if you don’t initially feel love or connection, because the act of caring itself produces love and attachment, making it a trainable skill.

2. Cultivate Enlightened Self-Interest

Get out of your own head and help other people, as this counterintuitive strategy leads to more happiness and meaning in your life, despite the inherent difficulties of caregiving.

3. Meditate for Broader Solutions

Engage in meditation, especially open awareness, to step out of goal-directed planning mode, which can paradoxically open your mind to a broader range of solutions and possibilities.

4. Prioritize Play and Downtime

Dedicate time for play, long walks, or learning musical instruments, as these non-goal-directed activities can paradoxically lead to more effective problem-solving and innovation in the long run.

5. Cultivate Lantern Consciousness

Practice open awareness meditation to de-emphasize internal monologue and become more receptive to all sensory information, fostering a broader, more accurate perception of reality and interconnectedness.

6. Embrace Beginner’s Mind

Actively try to master new skills to return to a ‘beginner’s mind’ state, which fosters exploration and learning similar to how children approach the world.

7. Foster Safe Exploration Environments

Cultivate a sense of safety and security in your environment, as this allows for broader exploration and risk-taking, similar to how children learn best when supported by caregivers.

8. Escape Local Optima

Engage in activities you’re not good at, try things different from your daily routine, or travel to new places to ‘kick yourself out of local optima’ and discover new alternatives and perspectives.

9. Seek Awe-Inspiring Moments

Actively seek experiences that evoke a sense of awe, such as being in nature, to expand your perception beyond your personal self and connect with a broader sense of the world.

10. Engage with Young Children

Spend time with young children to experience broad awareness and deep caregiving emotions, as their natural curiosity can help adults re-discover the richness and novelty in everyday environments.

11. Adopt Gardener Parenting Mindset

Shift from a ‘carpenter’ mindset of trying to shape children into specific outcomes to a ‘gardener’ mindset, focusing on creating a rich, nurturing environment that allows children to naturally explore and learn.

12. Advocate for Caregiving Support Structures

Advocate for and implement institutional changes like intergenerational living, formal caregiver roles (e.g., designated carers, godparents), caregiving allowances, and a ‘grandmother core’ to support and recognize the value of caregiving relationships.