The most important thing you can do for your loved one is to take care of yourself, as it enables you to show up for them, make rational decisions, and avoid becoming a negative statistic.
Understand that putting yourself first is not selfish but self-preserving, as the entire ecosystem of care will not function effectively if the caregiver is not cared for.
Actively develop the skill of taking care of other people, recognizing it as an inevitable and transformative aspect of life that, when done right, enhances your own well-being and happiness through increased compassion.
Actively build community and connection, especially during difficult times, by openly sharing your experiences to find others who understand and can provide vital support, fostering a sense of belonging and reducing isolation.
Do not wait too long to ask for help and bring in support, as caregiving is not a solo mission and early assistance is crucial for the caregiver’s well-being and ability to continue providing care.
Create a detailed personal care plan for your future self, outlining your wishes and needs, to alleviate the burden on your children or loved ones when you eventually require care.
Actively schedule ‘make time’ moments for yourself in your calendar, treating them with the same importance as other appointments, to ensure you prioritize activities that genuinely feed your soul.
Transform personal pain into purpose by finding actionable ways to help others, such as sharing your story or raising awareness, to create meaning and positive impact from difficult experiences.
Seek out individuals who are a few steps ahead on a similar life journey, as their experience can provide invaluable understanding, reduce feelings of isolation, and offer guidance as mentors or role models.
When offering help to someone in crisis, provide specific, actionable options (e.g., ‘I’ll pick up groceries,’ ‘Can I take your kids to dinner?’) rather than a vague ’let me know if I can help,’ to reduce the burden on the person needing support.
Identify and engage in simple, easily accessible activities that feed your soul, such as gardening, being in nature, or doing small maintenance tasks, as these can provide a sense of control and grounding.
Begin new self-care or behavioral changes with small, manageable steps to make them feel doable and increase the likelihood of sticking with them, aligning with principles of effective habit formation.
Caregivers should compile a specific list of actionable tasks (e.g., putting gas in the car, sitting with a loved one for an hour, delivering groceries) to provide to friends and family who offer help, making it easier for them to assist effectively.
Refrain from offering unsolicited advice, suggesting unresearched treatments, or making dismissive comments like ’they seem fine’ to caregivers, as it can be unhelpful and frustrating.
Continue to offer invitations to caregivers, even if they frequently decline, as they still appreciate feeling included and connected to their social circle, preventing further isolation.
When declining invitations, be honest about the reasons why it’s difficult to attend, to maintain understanding and connection with friends and prevent misunderstandings about your availability.
Establish clear boundaries during social interactions, such as limiting discussions about your caregiving situation, to allow for moments of connection on other topics and manage your emotional energy.
Acknowledge and accept the grief and sadness associated with ambiguous loss (grieving someone still physically present) and the loss of a planned future, allowing yourself to feel these emotions without constantly dwelling in them.
Engage in talk therapy to process and understand the complex array of emotions experienced during challenging life situations, such as caregiving, providing a safe space for emotional expression.
When experiencing fear or anxiety, acknowledge the feeling by taking a moment to wrap your arms around yourself, close your eyes, and settle into the present moment, rather than trying to ignore or suppress it.
Use reminders (e.g., an alarm) to practice ‘stay here, don’t go there,’ bringing yourself back to the present moment and out of anxious thoughts about potential future events or past regrets.
Employ self-soothing physical gestures, like placing a hand on your chest or giving yourself a hug, to ground yourself and bring about meaningful physiological and psychological calm during anxious moments.
When experiencing empathic distress, imagine a protective ‘bubble’ around yourself to shield from overwhelming emotions, allowing you to tend to others’ needs from a place of sanity and clarity.
Practice ‘Give Yourself 30’ by setting a 30-minute timer to fully feel and express any difficult emotion (anger, grief, etc.), then consciously move on afterward to avoid dwelling excessively.
Practice ‘Purge Emotional Writing’ (Pew 12) by writing for 12 minutes without editing, capturing a stream of consciousness of your feelings, then dispose of the paper to release those emotions.
Actively look for beauty and light amidst hardship, understanding that even in terrible situations, moments of joy, growth, and connection can emerge, and it’s not ‘all dark’.
View caregiving as a transformative opportunity for personal growth, recognizing it can build skills like advocacy, patience, love, and acceptance in ways you never imagined.
Actively cultivate compassion as a skill, both for yourself and others, as it leads to greater happiness, health, and deeper connections, even amidst difficult circumstances.
Engage in small, everyday acts of kindness for others, such as helping someone or offering a kind word, as these actions boost your own happiness and contribute positively to the world.
Make a conscious effort to put your phone away, look up, and engage in real-life conversations and eye contact with people, fostering genuine connection and appreciating the small things.
Embrace vulnerability and share personal experiences, even if uncomfortable, as it is essential for building genuine community, connection, and stronger relationships.
Proactively consider and prepare for future caregiving needs, both for yourself and others, to develop essential skills and support systems before they become urgent.