Let go of rigid expectations about how moments, relationships, or experiences ‘should be,’ as clinging to these is a significant source of suffering. Intentionally setting low expectations can create ample room for pleasant surprises and reduce disappointment.
Recognize that true insight and letting go can initially manifest as deep disappointment and grief over losing control. However, this ultimately leads to freedom from self-blame and the profound relief of not being solely responsible for fixing difficult situations.
Reframe your current life circumstances, including responsibilities and challenges, as precisely what you need for awakening and spiritual growth. Believe that your specific life and relationships are exactly what’s needed for your personal path, rather than seeking an idealized or monastic one.
Be cautious not to use meditation or concentration as a tool to deny self-care or avoid acknowledging overt physical or mental problems that require external intervention. If a practical problem is a significant obstacle, actively research and address it, even if it deviates from traditional practice norms.
When facing prolonged difficulty, try ‘backing off’ and holding your practice or goals more loosely and lightly, rather than rigidly adhering to a strict regimen. Prioritize what feels good or doesn’t hurt, and avoid the belief that practice must be perfect or an ’end-all, be-all.’
When meditation or any challenging experience feels hard, avoid adding pressure by blaming yourself or taking thoughts and feelings personally. Releasing the burden of personal responsibility for every emotion brings deep relief and eases the experience.
Actively seek and cultivate collective support in your spiritual journey, recognizing that humans are biologically evolved for connection and that awakening doesn’t have to be a solitary, individualistic, or unnecessarily harsh endeavor.
Reframe interruptions and unexpected events in daily life as valuable opportunities to practice letting go and shift focus away from self-centered concerns.
Aim for continuous mindfulness throughout all daily activities, not just formal meditation. Choose activities that support sustained awareness, such as walking or lying down practice, to integrate mindfulness into your entire day.
Give yourself permission to use non-traditional coping mechanisms, self-expression, or comfort-seeking activities (e.g., crafts, journaling, checking phone for emergencies) during challenging times, even if they deviate from expected norms.
If you have a deep aspiration or a ‘what if’ question that keeps recurring, consider acting on it sooner rather than postponing it indefinitely, as opportunities may be better in the present.
Engage in solo practices or activities where you feel unobserved, allowing yourself to be fully messy, authentic, and uninhibited without self-consciousness.
Understand that true contentment is found in the present moment, not as an ‘inner project’ to be achieved through constant self-fixing, healing, or control.
View parenthood (or similar caregiving roles) as an automatic path of renunciation and letting go, as it naturally cultivates patience, flexibility, and a shift from self-centered agendas.
Understand awakening as the cessation of clinging and the realization that all things are impermanent and not personal, leading to a deep, peaceful release from the need to grasp.
When internal focus is overwhelming or unhelpful, shift attention to external surroundings for solace and recognize that mindfulness can be externally directed.
If a practice or situation becomes overwhelmingly difficult, grant yourself permission to disengage or leave, rather than pushing through out of a sense of obligation or fear of missed opportunity.
Actively question and challenge the notion that effective spiritual practice requires constant renunciation, lengthy retreats, or a monastic lifestyle, as these rigid ideas can deter many from even starting.
Through deep concentration, observe intense or painful sensations without mental reactivity, recognizing that suffering often arises from the mind’s reaction, not just the sensation itself.
You don’t need to do extreme retreats to be a ‘good’ meditator; even short, regular sessions at home are perfectly valid and beneficial.
If a highly renunciative or strict approach to practice leads to daily distress and is clearly unhelpful, recognize it as an ineffective strategy and be willing to change tactics.