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Weird Dreams, Family Relationships, and Collective Trauma | Dr. Mark Epstein

May 13, 2020 1h 8m 15 insights
Why are so many of us having such weird dreams these days? How do we successfully interact with family members while on lockdown? Are we all experiencing some sort of trauma? These are just some of the questions with which we grapple during this discussion with Dr. Mark Epstein. It is no exaggeration to say that Mark has played a pivotal role in my life. My then-fiancé (and now wife), Bianca, gave me one of Mark's books (called Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart) back in 2009, and it genuinely changed my life. It was my first introduction to Buddhism. And to hear someone with actual medical experience (Mark is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist) extol the virtues of meditation made me reconsider a practice I had long considered ridiculous. In this chat, we also talk about blurring the line between meditation and therapy, and the profound value of not taking yourself too seriously. Enjoy. Where to find Mark Esptein online: Website: http://markepsteinmd.com/ Twitter: @Mepstein108 / https://twitter.com/Mepstein108 Facebook: Mark Epstein, MD / https://www.facebook.com/markepstein108/ Book Mentioned: The Trauma of Everyday Life / https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Everyday-Life-Mark-Epstein/dp/0143125745 Other Resources Mentioned: Joseph Goldstein / https://www.dharma.org/teacher/joseph-goldstein/ Roberth Thurman / https://bobthurman.com/ Ram Dass / https://www.ramdass.org/ Samuel Beckett / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samuel_Beckett Jack Kornfield / https://jackkornfield.com/ Additional Resources: Ten Percent Happier Live: https://tenpercent.com/live Coronavirus Sanity Guide: https://www.tenpercent.com/coronavirussanityguide Free App Access for Teachers, Healthcare, Grocery and Food Delivery, and Warehouse Workers: https://tenpercent.com/care Get more focus and clarity by bringing mindfulness to your company with a team subscription to Ten Percent Happier! Visit tenpercent.com/work to learn more. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/mark-epstein-247
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Dual Truths

Practice holding in your mind two hard-to-reconcile truths: that on an ultimate level, things are illusory or empty, and on an immediate level, they are real, matter, and are loved.

2. Love Thoughts, See Self as Soul

When experiencing undesirable thoughts, first try to ’love the thoughts,’ and then endeavor to see yourself as a soul, which can help you extend that perspective to others.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Develop compassion not just for external suffering but also for your own mind, thoughts, and shame, recognizing that mindfulness itself can be a compassionate practice towards your internal experience.

4. Counter Ambition with Compassion

If stuck in painful, self-centered ambition, engage in compassion practice by tuning into the suffering of others (e.g., doctors, nurses, sick, elderly) and wishing them freedom from fear, despair, or loneliness, including yourself.

5. Be Curious About Thoughts

During meditation, instead of subtly pushing away thoughts with aversion or disgust, cultivate curiosity about the content of your thoughts to allow for a more natural flow and less dualistic experience.

6. Cultivate Humor for Self-Criticism

By engaging with your thoughts curiously, especially shame-based ones, you can lighten the load and foster a sense of humor about your own situation, leading to less defensiveness and more openness.

7. Welcome Self-Interest

If self-interest arises in your mind during difficult times, welcome it as part of being a human being, giving yourself permission not to judge such thoughts as ugly.

8. Integrate Meditation into Daily Life

Put meditation into action during quarantine by staying conscious and alert while performing daily tasks like cleaning, talking to others, being a therapist, or watching non-news TV, to prevent the mind from dwelling in worry.

9. Embrace Limbo as Retreat Time

Treat the current uncertain, in-between time as a ‘retreat time’ by focusing on present tasks like cooking, cleaning, reading, or meditating, as the future will reveal itself soon enough.

10. Return to Present Moment

When thoughts are circling and interfering with present tasks rather than leading to productive action, apply the rigor of meditation to pull yourself back into the present moment.

11. Utilize Quarantine Routines as Reminders

Recognize that the routines and rituals of daily life in quarantine (like sweeping, washing, making food) are present moment reminders, and open yourself to them instead of blowing past them.

12. Access ‘On Retreat’ Feeling

Reorient yourself around your identity and the world’s meaning by accessing a ‘going on retreat’ feeling, which helps accommodate to weird, limbo realities.

13. Contemplate Worst-Case Scenarios

To stop worrying, consider the worst thing that could ever happen and realize you would likely survive, a technique used to reduce anxiety.

14. Support Frontline Trauma Survivors

Recognize that frontline workers are experiencing significant trauma and collectively commit to supporting them in the future, ensuring society does not neglect their needs after the crisis.

15. Buy Bulk App Subscriptions

If you run a company or work in HR, buy bulk subscriptions to the 10% Happier app for your teams at 10percent.com/work to provide meditation resources.